Liberal.

Conservative.

These two terms are thrown around our political landscape like a Webster’s frisbee land mine, potentially being an insult and a definitive term of one’s social and political ideology simultaneously.

The terms “liberal” and “conservative” are not quite accurate in describing the affiliation of all people,as though political ideology was as black and white as gender (Tim Davis: political hermaphrodite?).

I’ve often said that the GOP is not a conservative institution according to how many libertarians would define the word.

Conservatism is generally understood as the ideology which holds dear the freedoms of the individual to operate as free from outside influences as possible, while remaining fair and balanced, in terms of both social law and the economic process. For the most part, this is the inspiration for many to mistrust the use of governmental power, in that, at times, it impedes the ability of individual self-determination.

Is this a standard to which Republicans subscribe? Not according to recent socio-political occurrences, such as the GOP’s “solution” to the crime problem, which seems to be somewhat effective in incarcerating current criminals, but doesn’t address how to stop the creation of new criminals.

One of the cornerstones of the GOP’s anti-crime program is the construction of new prisons, which, of course, is crime anticipation, not crime prevention. But why quibble over small details?

Sadly, prison construction is becoming a booming business in America, as the pages of The Des Moines Register and Texas (114 prisons and counting) clearly show. And gee, who is contracted to build these sterling institutions? Big business.

So while we throw away programs such as midnight basketball as being “liberal” corruption (never mind the fact that the programs were working!), tax dollars utilized by our government are being handed over to major construction companies.

Which reminds me of the Pentagon’s Osprey program. The Osprey was/is a doomed aircraft program that began in 1989, which has already sucked almost $5 billion in developmental funds, and will cost taxpayers $805 million before this year is over. And with all this cash, what have we to show for it?

Fewer than ten Osprey aircrafts have gotten off the ground as of April and its most notable achievement is crashing and killing an entire flight crew. It’s basically a failed military expedition that has produced no valuable assets to the U.S military.

Even members of the Pentagon want to scrap the whole program, but as of yet, this has been resisted. Why? The aircrafts are built by Bell and Boeing, aeronautical giants, who sure appreciate all that government contracting.

Speaking of giants, Phillip Morris comes to mind. Presidential candidate Bob Dole recently suggested that smoking isn’t addictive and that second-hand smoke is less harmful than a glass of whole milk a day (Kools… they do a body good…)

That little existential trip into the magical world of make-believe may play to the crowds in Jesse Helms’ backyard, but that dog won’t hunt anywhere else on this plane of reality. Is it even necessary to say just how deep certain government representatives (of both parties; corruption isn’t all that discriminatory) are in the backpockets of the cigarette companies and their powerful lobbies?

Not that Dole is even interested in political ideology these days, as this recent comment on his campaign illustrates: “We’re trying to get good pictures. Don’t worry about what I say.”

Uhh… okay… Bob… I guess if Clinton is going to steal a page from your book, you might as well steal a page from his, eh?

By the by, since his comments on cigarette smoking, he’s been righteously stalked by a guy in a giant cigarette outfit known as Buttman.

And how about the great gun giveaway, in which according to a provision in the 1996 Defense Authorization Act, the Department of Defense is ordered to give away 176,218 rifles, 146 million rounds of ammunition and $8.8 million in property to private gun clubs (read: NRA)?

Funny how nobody wants the government intruding into their lives until they can get some free stuff out of the deal.

It’s quite obvious that the interests of the Republicans lie with the rich not out of a sense of loyalty to the values of the free market, but to who can fill their pocketbooks. 70 percent of the political contributions the GOPreceives are from the top ten corporate PACs.

Why the hell should the GOP care about the poor and disenfranchised, the powerless and under-represented? What can the poor offer the GOP? Funny how that works:”Ask not what you’re representatives can do for you, ask what you can do for your representatives!”

Somewhere, John Kennedy is getting gang raped by Mussolini and Stalin.

Your Republican representatives aren’t conservatives; they’re corporatists. Know the difference.

Tim Davis is a senior in theater studies from Carlisle.