I’m back! Ooooow. So this is my first round as sports editor here at the Daily, and I plan to make this summer’s sports page fairly exciting. But enough about moi.

Let’s talk about idiots. Let’s talk about athletes. Specifically about two Iowa Hawkeye basketball players. Let’s talk about Jesse “Always Injured” Settles and Chris “Police Blotter” Kingsbury.

Both Hawkeye standouts have decided to hang their collegiate sneakers and test the waters of the National Basketball Association.

Before I rip these guys to pieces, let’s look at what they’ve done during their college years in Iowa City.

Settles has the better record of the two. In three years Settles has became a solid player for the Hawks as well as a nationally known athlete. But let the truth be known. Settles never lived up to his promise after his freshman season when he was recognized as one of the top freshmen in the country.

Injuries have killed Settles from the beginning. A bad back, sore arm and monster ego have slowed Settles. But if we’re going to talk about ego, then let’s talk Kingsbury.

In his short tenure at Iowa, Kingsbury has racked up more controversy than any other player in Iowa history.

Alcohol-related troubles, team rule violations, on-court fighting and grade point average problems have been stapled to Kingsbury since he’s been at Iowa. But it is true that Kingsbury has been known to make a half-courter or two in his day.

So what would make a scout want to take a shot with these players? What does it really take to be in the NBA?

My guess would be hard work, discipline, a healthy body, exceptional defensive and offensive skills to go along with the right attitude.

I do believe that Settles has the hard work ethic. His offensive skills are questionable, while playing zone defense the majority of his college career has hurt him on the defensive end. His health has always been a problem and will remain a problem. Final grade for Settles’ chances in the NBA — D.

So now we come to Kingsbury. Hard work ethic? Nope. Discipline? Nope. A healthy body? When sober, yes. Exceptional defensive skills? Nope. Any defensive skills? Nope. Exceptional offensive skills? Not unless you consider a good shot a 30-foot jumper. But I’ll give credit. He does have a monster shooting range that he displays from time to time. And finally, does Kingsbury have the right attitude for team sports? Only if he’s playing with four of himself. Kingsbury’s final grade for chances in the NBA — F.

Which brings me to my next question: What makes them think they have a shot? Hell, maybe anybody can play in the NBA.

You know, I’ve been working on my jumper. It’s looking good. My defense sucks, but who cares, right? Offense sells tickets. I got a pretty good-looking hook shot. I might just give this NBA thing a go. I mean, I got skills! People must come correct and give me my propers when I hit the court.

I got a few words for the NBA. Recognize fellas. Because when I come, I come with the thunder!

We’ll talk later.

Chad Calek is a junior in journalism from Persia, Iowa.