For those of you who haven’t figured out if you are liberal or conservative, the good people at USA Weekend have come to your rescue.

On Sunday, the weekly newspaper supplement published its second annual political quiz that helps readers determine where they fall on the political spectrum.

The quiz uses the “Jesse Scale,” with the highest score of 40 points represented by Jesse Jackson and zero points representing Jesse “The Body” Ventura. No, wait, I guess that’s Jesse Helms.

Now, I consider myself to be a rather liberal person. I was shocked to find out that on a 0 to 40 scale, I scored 20. It turns out that my political views most closely match those of Colin Powell.

I found this unnerving because I didn’t realize that Colin Powell had any political views.

Here’s a scary thought for you: My political views most closely match those of the men whom many people think would make a good President of the United States.

But there is no cause for alarm. At 22, I am still far too young to be eligible for national office. For the time being, I’ll just have to keep writing my column and acting like I run everything.

The most disturbing part of this for me is the shift that I made since taking last year’s quiz. A year ago, I scored the same as Hillary Rodham Clinton. Bill Clinton falls right between his missus and Powell on the quiz scale.

That means that in a year’s time, I became a full two-people more conservative, and I didn’t even notice.

I don’t feel more conservative. What could have done this to me? Maybe it’s the tax shelter where I’m hiding the fortune I make writing this column.

I drone on about my political views in this space every week. You would think that someone else would have noticed that I was becoming more conservative and told me about it.

At some point, one of my friends should have come up, put a consoling arm around my shoulder, and said, “Steve, I’m afraid you’ve been getting a little conservative lately.”

Now I have to find some way to nudge myself back towards the Jesse Jackson end of the scale. Maybe I could get my nose pierced or something.

The truth, of course, is that I probably haven’t become any more conservative in the past year. It’s just that some of the questions on the quiz are so ridiculous that they paint an inaccurate picture of one’s political views.

Question #3 asked readers to choose between a new book by Tom Clancy or John Grisham. The logic here is that Clancy writes about military things, while Grisham writes about lawyers.

Therefore, choosing Clancy labels you conservative and choosing Grisham means you’re liberal.

I don’t usually read fiction of any kind, so I have never read anything by either author. I had to make a decision based on the movies I have seen that were based on the authors’ books.

I fell asleep during The Hunt for Red October, but I really liked The Client, mostly because Tommy Lee Jones is one of my favorite actors.

I got one point for picking Grisham, which may be the only thing that saved me from ending up in the Newt Gingrich/Rush Limbaugh territory of the scale.

The next question asked readers to choose between watching “Walker, Texas Ranger” or “Friends.”

Watching Chuck Norris kick people earned you a conservative label, while watching beautiful twenty-somethings complain about their lives means you are liberal.

Watching “Walker, Texas Ranger” doesn’t mean you’re conservative, it just means you have poor taste in television.

Also, I would venture to guess that a good chunk of the people who watch “Friends” religiously do so to ogle at the attractive male or female actors. There’s not much political thought going on there.

I picked up another liberal point for choosing “Friends.” That Rachel is a babe.

Another question asked readers to choose between a lunch date with either Paul Newman or Charlton Heston.

The thinking here is that liberals would rather eat with Newman, and conservatives would prefer to break bread with Heston.

As long as I didn’t have to pay, I would have lunch with either of them.

But if you’re going to have a political conversation, it’s more interesting to have it with someone who doesn’t agree with you. For that reason I chose Heston, which nudged my score back to the right.

In short, I’m not putting much faith in a quiz that puts me in the same place as Colin Powell on the political spectrum.

But just to be on the safe side, I think I’ll put on my tie-dyed shirt and a Grateful Dead album.

Also, I have to figure out some way to stop all these rumors about me being Bob Dole’s running mate.

Steven Martens is a senior in journalism mass communication from Cedar Rapids.