As Daily reporters, our job is to interview people and report their stories to you, the readers. But it’s not always as easy as that. Sometimes, we can’t get the information we need. Sometimes, we get more than an earful. This is one of those times.

As reporters, we’re not suppose to get drawn into our stories, but that’s not always easy either. Take for example the interview with Andrew “Dice” Clay that follows. Sometimes, all it takes is the sound of your voice to set someone off…

KRIS FETTKETHER: Hello?

ANDREW “DICE” CLAY: Hello? Who’s this?

KF: This is Kris — is this Andrew “Dice” Clay?

AC: Oh — you’re a girl Kris. I thought I was gonna get a Christopher.

KF: No, you got a Kristin.

AC: This is much better.

KF: Well, I’m glad I didn’t disappoint you.

AC: Where am I callin’?

KF: This is Ames, Iowa.

AC: Iowa? How’s the weather?

KF: It’s very cold here — about eight below.

AC: Below what?

KF: Zero. How’s sunny California?

AC: I’m in my tee-shirt and shorts….

KF: That must be nice.

AC: Yeah, I’m very handsome.

KF: You are?

AC: Yeah. I’ll call you. We’ll go out. I’ll charm you. So, you gonna interview me or what?

KF: I’d love to interview you.

AC: This is what you do. I call you, you ask questions. This is an interview, so you ask a question.

KF: Why did you decide to go back to stand-up and not continue with TV?

AC: The sitcom [“Bless This House”] was a good thing to do at the time. But it was time to move on — and I didn’t look good in a postman’s uniform.

KF: Tell me about being banned from MTV.

AC: That’s old news. Let’s talk about my special.

KF: OK. What about it?

AC: It’s gonna be on HBO. It’s called “Assume the Position.” It’s gonna make history.

KF: How so?

AC: How so? Didn’t you see the last one?

KF: No, I wasn’t old enough.

AC: Well, then this one’s for you buttercup.[Pause] Ask another question.

KF: I’m sorry, I’m writing this down as you talk.

AC: Do — you — want — me — to — talk — like — this?

KF: No, that’s OK. I can keep up.

AC: I bet you can.

KF: Growing up, were you always the class clown?

AC: Yeah, I’m a natural.

KF: So you were crackin’ up kids in school?

AC: No, I was very studious. I’m a genius, ya know.

KF: Can we expect more Diceman nursery rhymes on the new special, since that is your specialty?

AC: That’s old news. It’s been done. It’s gonna be all new.

KF: Where do you draw inspiration from for the new material?

AC: Everyday life. It’s all real. It’s about people, work, relationships.

KF: Speaking of relationships, do you have trouble meeting women? Do they find you offensive?

AC: No. Do you find me offensive?

KF: Not really. So it’s all an act?

AC: It’s all an act.

KF: Is there anything you won’t do — that even you say, “This is in bad taste?”

AC: Yeah, a lot.

KF: Like what?

AC: It’s gotta be funny. It’s gotta have meaning.

KF: Are you going to pursue your acting career?

AC: What do I give a shit about movies? So, what do you look like?

KF: What do I look like?

AC: Yeah — ’cause you sound really hot.

KF: I do? Well, I’m about 5’9″, I have long blond hair … [for those of you who know me, laugh now. If you don’t know me, go with it.]

AC: Sounds good so far. What’s the guy situation there in Iowa? A bunch of stupid farmers selling corn flakes?

KF: Actually, they’re not dumb at all.

AC: Great. I’ll show those fucking farm boys how to party!

KF: Women really don’t find you offensive?

AC: Don’t push the issue — it’s a tricky subject. OK, doll, two more questions then I gotta go.

KF: If you weren’t a comedian, what would you be?

AC: A pimp. Next question.

KF: How much do you make?

AC: Watch the special — all will be revealed.

On May 11, Clay will star in his own special for HBO, “Assume The Position.” The Diceman will be back in full swing, dicier than ever. Clay said in a press release, “My audience loves the attitude, style and panache of Diceman.

“I’m out to make people laugh their balls off. The idea here is to have a great time and make fun at any damn thing I please with no ifs, ands or buts. Make no mistake about it … the Diceman will deliver.”