The ISU 1996 Iowa spring football game will be upon us this Saturday, which prompts my psychic mind once again. And yes, I am really psychic.

My psychic predictions about the upcoming 1996-97 college football season are here early. I know, I know. Many of you are wondering how I can make predictions when the recruits haven’t even arrived yet? It’s simple. I know things. It’s kind of like when Darth Vader told the Emperor that he knew Luke was on the Death Star. In short, I use the force.

So here are my psychic predictions for the 1996-97 college football season.

First prediction: The Cyclones will win the Big 12 and go to a Bowl game. Hey, being psychic isn’t an exact science. I could be wrong.

Second prediction: Nebraska will recruit 24 more convicts, but hey, they can all play some serious ball.

Third prediction: Iowa will once again be all offense and no defense, but watch out for the upcoming big dog Jarred DeVries. He’s a heartbreaker and a life taker.

Fourth prediction: Jim Walden will still be out of a job.

Fifth prediction: Jordan will hang up the “airs” for some cleats to play for the Barnstormers.

Sixth prediction: Nebraska will still have the best team money can buy.

Seventh prediction: Luke, after falling short with the Mudhens, decides college football may be his best option.

Eighth prediction: The Ivy League, once a laughing stock, rises above the rest to dominate the world.

Ninth prediction: The Western Athletic Conference (WAC) passes a new rule making it legal to play defense.

Tenth prediction: The Big 12 passes a new rule making it illegal for Nebraska to play the likes of Pacific.

Eleventh prediction: Hayden Fry legally changes his name to Hayden Fox in preparation for his upcoming sitcom career.

Twelfth prediction: Every Heisman voter who did not vote for Troy Davis last season is systematically attacked on their back porches.

Thirteenth prediction: ESPN college football analyst Beno Cook will remain the No. 1 moron on television.

Fourteenth prediction: After seven attacks on the goal post, Iowa State will finally get some air time.

Fifthteenth prediction: Tired of the pressure, Maverick tells Coach Viper that he will throw the football when he is damn good and ready!

Sixteenth prediction: After a cocky statement, ISU head football coach McCarney asks soon-to-be-Cyclone Darrin Davis if he thinks his name will be on “that” trophy. Davis replies, “Yes, sir.” McCarney says that’s pretty cocky considering the company he’s in. Davis replies, “Yes, sir.”

Seventeenth prediction: Notre Dame once again will be ranked too high and once again will finish the season way too low.

Eighteenth prediction: Todd Doxzon and Todd Bandhauer will both be denied the starting quarterback role to make way for a talented walk-on that goes by the name of Calek.

Ninteenth prediction: After Troy Davis wins the Heisman, he refuses to say that he’s going to Disney World.

Twentieth prediction: For the first time in college football history, a Daily columnist will lead the Cyclones to the Orange Bowl.

So there are my predictions for next year. Remember who said it all first; now watch them all come true.

Thanks for reading, have a safe Veishea, and we’ll talk later.