Is there a doctor in the house?

If so, please make it a plastic surgeon, because there is a professional league around that needs a serious makeover.

And no, despite the events of the past couple of years, it’s not Major League Baseball.

It is now the National Basketball Association that is in need of some major reconstructive work.

A few years ago, no league was as cool as the NBA. It had everything going for it with a great cast of characters; Magic, Bird, Jordan, Malone, Stockton, Barkley and many others.

But now, quite simply, the NBA sucks.

While everyone of the above mentioned, with the exception of “Larry Legend,” is still, or back, in the league, they no longer signify what it stands for.

That’s a shame. Those were truly the days for the NBA.

But they’re stuck with what they’ve got, so it might as well be fixed. And here’s how:

1. Reinstill tradition within the players. The NBA is by far the worst of the four major pro sports leagues (the others being Major League Baseball, the National Football League and the National Hockey Association) when it comes to its young players and their understanding of tradition.

With the exception of a few Anfernee Hardaways and Grant Hills, a lack of respect flows from today’s players when it comes to their basketball forefathers.

Anything should be done to change this. I don’t care if it’s making all players take a written test on the history of the NBA before they enter the league or teaching an obedience school for new draftees, the NBA needs more knowledgeable gentlemen and fewer cocky convicts.

2. Lose the courts that look like game boards. Lately when I’ve turned on an NBA game I’ve found it hard to tell whether I’m watching basketball or a life-sized game of “Candyland.”

The courts are becoming so obnoxious that when an announcer talks about points in the paint, I don’t know if he means points down by the basket or points from within the giant spaceship painted on the hardwood.

There are a floors that are still sane out there (the home courts of the Bulls, Celtics and Magic to name a few), but many look like abstract art gone horribly wrong.

No other professional league has playing surfaces that look like a showcase for vandals, so why should the NBA?

3. Lose the pastel colors. For some reason, almost every team that changes its colors seems to be doing so to some scheme that contains at least one pastel.

Do team officials actually believe that powder blue will sell more in the macho world of sports than a navy or royal blue?

Maybe they’re just looking to introduce a new spring line of NBA merchandise to help sales during the latter portion of the season leading into the playoffs.

4. Open the seating up to a first-come first-serve basis. I know that no other association does this, but there are just too many suits and ties in the first couple of rows at NBA arenas and too few painted faces and fan-made banners.

Maybe the best idea would be to put the entire NBA into a time machine and send it back to the 80s.

Sure the shorts were a tad bit skimpy, but at least then it was still basketball — unlike what we have today.

Basically, the NBA has turned into one giant commercial and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to change the channel.