I’ll start this off by taking care of some unfinished business — who will be notified as the official “Keeper of the Carpet,” the “Supreme mower.”

I received some pretty funny responses to the candidates I volunteered in my last column. To refresh your memory the nominees were as follows: Jim Walden, Forrest Gump and Elizabeth Berkley. All three had winning campaigns behind them.

One person responded via e-mail, oh that wonderful information superhighway, with a vote for Jim Walden and with an added write-in for an assistant.

He thought that Jim Walden should mow the grass and Jim Criner should fertilize it. The writer felt that it would be the best thing they’ve done for Jack Trice Field.

Another writer wrote in saying he would condone none of the candidates. He feels very strongly against Jim Walden. He says that ISU shouldn’t offer another job to the ex-football coach, instead, the university should get a court order banning Walden from coming within 100 yards of the stadium.

Ooooh, harsh, but I like it. Actually, Jim Walden isn’t even a season ticket holder this year. In the past Walden bought at least 10 tickets a game, but now he’s a little miffed because Iowa State didn’t even send him a brochure to order tickets this season.

Maybe the university is one step ahead of you, my faithful fan, but let’s be realistic here. We all know that the university spends all their time and money on getting all OUR time and money and also on secret experiments that we’ll find out they conducted on us 20 years from now when our hair starts to fall out and we lose a limb or two.

But I digress.

That same writer also had some interesting perspectives on Forrest and Elizabeth. Forrest was out because he is a fictional character and he didn’t think Tom Hanks would do it.

He also denied Elizabeth Berkley, the star of the movie Showgirls, a chance to run the John Deere for ISU. He thought she would be too turned on by 300 pounds of vibrating metal between her legs that she would forget what she was doing and we would end up with the worst looking field in the nation.

Oh boy. Thanks for writing in, I think.

Now on to more pleasant things. I really think part of the reason our fall athletic teams have been doing so well this year is because of the magic of the new and improved Lake Laverne.

Like our lake, the football team has gone through some major changes.

Coach McCarney came in and dredged out the scum that had accumulated on the team under Walden’s direction. He threw out the players who didn’t belong and reformed the ones who wanted to be part of a new winning tradition.

Troy Davis and Ed Williams — the Lancelot and Elaine of the gridiron.

Both have a swan-like grace when they’re on the field, don’t you agree?

Ever since the field goal posts were ripped down and tossed lovingly into the lake, the magic of the lake has surrounded the campus and traveled to the stadium on the heels of returning fans coming to cheer in unison for the Cyclones.

The magic is so strong it is traveling to the alums. Loren Meyer and Fred Hoiberg are feeling a new kind of magic through their veins.

They no longer have “Hilton Magic” behind them, they’ve got “Laverne Luck.”

The two ex-Cyclone standouts are fighting for a chance to play on the NBA teams who drafted them. You bet they’re using as much “Laverne Luck” as they can muster.

They always know though, that if they don’t make their teams, they can come back to fill the mowing job that is now vacant.

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April Samp is a sophomore in journalism from Eldora.