Here I go again on my own, like a bad Whitesnake song that has no home. Like a drifter I was born to play alone, with myself, ’cause here I go again with my column (sing it like you mean it).

What was that all about? Sorry for the funk, it’s just that my mind is wandering. I’ve been putting a lot of thought into this column: Conservativism (don’t care if it’s not a word).

Let’s start all over. Good morning kids. How’s your “with this wind should I wear my hair up or down” Wednesday? Mine’s just a little wind tunnel full of love.

Today’s Tattooed topic (don’t you like how I continually go back to last year?) is on conservativism. You see, Monday night I was watching Dennis Miller on the Tom Snyder program and one thing hit me. You remember Miller, the “And I am outta here” news anchor on Saturday Night Live (when it was still funny).

Miller is getting conservative in his old age. Old as in 41, although chronologically 41 is nothing; it’s the attitude that’s old. He even admitted to doing and saying some “controversial” things to further his career. That threw me for a loop. That’s like me saying “the greeks are ruining this city” just to get a few readers. Now would I do that?

What kind of bullshit is he feeding us? He was one person that stood for anti-establishment and now he’s bought into their propaganda dogma.

So, who’s left for all those angst neophytes of liberalism to look up to? Surely not those MTV hard-nose coolios. Anything that they spew out has to be taken with a grain of salt, I mean they’re jumping on John Travolta’s bandwagon now. How liberal and ground-breaking is that? It’s not; it’s conservative corporate power trying to sell a product and unfortunately doing a good job of it.

You see, my theory is that you get more conservative with age. I know what you are all saying. You’re saying to yourself “But Guru, how can this be? You, of all people, surely wouldn’t buy into this crap.”

You’re right, I wouldn’t buy into this crap knowingly and I certainly wouldn’t make a public statement about saying these things to further my career. Just last week I was cut for things that I said about a certain group of people and a certain publication that this certain group subscribes to. Well, I stood by my convictions and I always will. The group: the greek, the publication: Essentially Greek.

See, these people are conservative despite their age. Why? Because they chose to join a group of people who are essentially just like them. If not, then why be with people who ridicule and question why you do certain things? They are inherently conservative because they grew up that way.

That is not to say that other people are not conservative. Our beloved president of the Government of the Student Body is greek. I’m talking about Dan Mangan, who probably flushed his best idea down the toilet.

Anyway, he’s pretty conservative. And he’s young. Which confuses the hell out of me. Why would anyone who’s young choose to be conservative? To me, conservatives are old men in striped shoes handing out Bibles on the corners, women shoved in the kitchen not realizing what year it is and minorities that were adopted by white families. In other words, conservatives are the people of power. That’s why they’re conservative, because they want to keep things status quo.

Then there’s the liberal-minded people. I, being an outspoken open-minded musical snob, deem myself worthy of speaking for this group. Being only 25 and living through the 80s, I know one thing is true. Conservativism is no good. Look what it did to us last decade. Me, me, me. I need, I need, I need. Etcetera, etc.

So now that I’ve babbled on about conservative-minded people and their unjust ways, let’s take a moment to reflect back on a fallen rock star, Shannon Hoon. Here’s my little memorial to him: One-hit wonder.

P.S. See Snoop Doggy Dogg. See Snoop Doggy Dogg on trial. See Snoop Doggy Dogg get burned. See ya.