Jade is one case of a major motion picture not living up the hype. Don’t the ads look absolutely scintillating and sexy? Like a Basic Instinct meets, uh, Basic Instinct? But I just must say how contrived and confusing this tale of sex and murder happens to be.

David Caruso, I guess, is the big name behind Jade; he plays David Corelli, the assistant district attorney who is investigating the gruesome, Silence-of-the-Lambs-esque murder of a prominent businessman. Throw in a few incriminating nudie pictures, a couple of beautiful women and scandal that sneaks through the very highest ranks of the government, and you have one of the most anti-climactic, let-down films of the year.

Linda Fiorentino plays Trina Gavin, the wife of a prominent defense attorney, and I tell ya: she and Demi Moore were separated at birth. And while Jade is being touted basically as her big-screen debut, I have to wonder why everyone put so much weight on her shoulders. Her voice is gravelly and annoying (I wanted to tell her to clear her throat); her hair is always in her face, and the acting hardly seems a stretch for her.

Caruso, however, is a total highlight. The former “NYPD Blue” star is not exactly hunk material (he’s more like Danny Bonaduce’s runt brother), but somehow, that makes me dig him.

Yes, he’s got love handles, wrinkles and a weird nose, but he also redefines the role of “hero.” Woo hoo! I only wish we would’ve learned a little bit more about Corelli’s life; there’s a nugget of gossip in there, but the fools who made this movie make sure all the juicy stuff stays buried.

The other fabulous aspects that save Jade from negative stardom were the several incredible car-chase scenes. Take it from me: you truly have not experienced cinematic adrenaline rushes until you’ve witnessed a high-speed cat-and-mouse between a Thunderbird and Taurus. I never thought I’d see a Ford catch 20 feet of air while barreling over a bunch of San Francisco hills.

So if only for Caruso and a roller-coaster adventure car chase, you might wanna catch this movie. But only if Seven is sold out.

Century Cinemas: 7:10 & 9:10