Hello everybody. I would first like to say congratulations to the football team on their win against UNLVand keep up the good work. Now I will get into the two reasons I am writing this letter today.

The first important topic is: Why has Iowa State lost to Iowa the past 13 football games in a row?

Many theories have been suggested as to why we just can’t destroy those Hawks, but I believe the question was answered on Page 8 of the October issue of U. Magazine that came with Thursday’s Daily.

The answer: Witches. I’m not trying to offend anybody and I am sure we have people who follow the religion of Wicca here at Iowa State, but at the University of Iowa, Wicca is a certified student group.

Is it a coincidence that Troy Davis had his first fumble in 86 carries against Iowa? Isn’t it suspicious that the ball bounced right into the waiting arms of an Iowa defender?

Everyone who has seen a football bounce knows that it doesn’t normally bounce so perfectly. Maybe it was the artificial turf. Which brings me to the final topic I would like to discuss today.

Is anybody else sick of hearing Hayden Fry complain about our field? It has sure made a big difference in the outcome of all the games he’s coached here. Just think, if we had a grass field maybe his teams could have scored 100 points in the games here instead of just winning.

I also was amused by the article in Des Moines Register on Sunday September 24 where they were interviewing former place kickers from Iowa.

They brought up the fact that our field is most likely the main reason they couldn’t get the ball between our uprights. What is really strange is that our kickers don’t seem to have trouble hitting field goals and PAT’s.

Also, I thought the University of Iowa built an indoor practice field with artificial turf on which their players can practice. They can even practice kicking off turf!

Maybe the problem was the fact that one of their Hawkeye band members hung from one of our goalposts before the game and bent it horribly. Our crews fixed it as best they could I am sure, but the guy couldn’t even jump onto the goalpost himself.

He had to have TWO friends boost him up so he could hang there.

Which brings me to the Hawkeye mentality, a subject I don’t even want to touch.

These Hawkeye kickers screwing up so miserably was of course not their fault. It had to be something we did or didn’t do. Maybe it was the witches here at Iowa State starting to fight back! Go Witches!

In closing, I hope you found as much enjoyment in reading this letter as I did in writing it. This is for entertainment purposes only, unless Hayden Fry is reading.

If our football players and coaches, the guys who actually use the field as least six days a week, say that we need new turf, then I say “Let’s get new turf!” For someone who comes here once every other year I say “Put your money where your mouth is!”

I think Hayden can afford the down payment on a natural grass field here at ISU since he is so concerned about it. A down payment of fifty thousand dollars should get the ball rolling; it won’t bounce anymore, Hayden.

Please make your check payable to Iowa State University Turf Fund. Or you could make it out to Tim Burkhart and then I wouldn’t mind how much you complained!

I would of course give the money to the school, well, at least thirty-five thousand.

Here’s the bottom line: It doesn’t matter if we play on turf, grass, cement or gravel. With our new coach, awesome players, fans, band and maybe even a few witches, the only streaks the Hawkeyes will have are yellow ones on their bellies to match those ugly ones on their shoulders.

Let’s go Cyclones!

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Tim Burkhart is a junior in forestry at Iowa State University.