To the Editor:

Silence suffocates and oppression kills. Yet, well-meaning people continue to suggest – as Mr. Strachota [did] in the Daily last week – that we homosexuals and bisexuals “keep it to ourselves”when it comes to such a fundamental part of our identity as our sexual orientation.

It is because we need to break the silence and fight the oppression that affects us all – heterosexuals and non-heterosexuals alike, that the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Alliance is once again sponsoring a week of events beginning on National Coming Out Day, Wednesday, October 11, under the theme “Out to Make a Difference.”

In a way, Mr. Strachota is right: One’s sexuality and one’s sex life shouldn’t matter.

But it matters so much that, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, nearly a third of the suicides in the U.S. for those ages 14-25 are related to sexual-orientation distress.

This means that nearly a third of the successful young adult suicides in this country are attributable to the individual’s distress over either being non-heterosexual or merely thinking they might be.

This category also includes those who may indeed be heterosexual but are so worried they might not be that the commit suicide.

For these people the silence that denies the opportunity for all of us to talk openly about sexuality and to fight oppression did more than suffocate – it killed.

Even when he doesn’t kill, silence can be humiliating. In Montana, for instance, state law explicitly prohibits harassment of sports officials and livestock, but not harassment of a gay man like myself.

Now, I like animals as much as anyone, but shouldn’t a human being count for at least as much as a cow?

Apparently, the state of Montana doesn’t think so. And the bias, prejudice and oppression which affects non-heterosexuals spreads to affect anyone seen as being outside the “norm.”

Whether you come out of the closet yourself, support someone who does, or listen and learn, you can help to change these attitudes and make life better for all of us.

For those of us who are bisexual, lesbian, transgendered or gay, coming out and staying out means being honest with ourselves and others.

Coming out can mean no longer having to feel ashamed or having to feel that something so fundamental to who you are is a secret which must be carefully guarded so it doesn’t “slip out.”

Coming out means fighting the ignorant and hateful attitudes that affects us all – women, men, African-Americans, Native Americans, those on welfare; the list goes on.

That’s why Mr. Strachota is so agonizingly wrong. His advice is well-intentioned but ultimately destructive because it tells those who are oppressed to accept less than their full humanity and his advice blinds those who aren’t oppressed to the hatred existing around them.

The “respectful” silence becomes a lie because it lets people believe that hatred doesn’t exist.

It becomes a lie because it says being robbed of you r dignity is all right.

It becomes a lie because it turns something as simple as holding the hand of your partner into “flaunting your sexuality” instead of the simple expression of love most of us understand it to be.

Although hate crimes against gays in some jurisdictions have surpassed the number of hate crimes against African-Americans and all but nine states allow employers to fire someone just for being gay, all of us are still being asked to live a lie.

Stop the lie. Come out to yourself, as an ally, or as someone who is willing to listen and learn.

Stop the lie. Attend an LGBAmeeting or a National Coming Out Day event.

Stop the lie. Educate yourself and learn to respect people of all kinds.

For then we can all begin to be a little more free to live our lives in peace and honesty.

That, I think, is something worth talking about.

Kevin Sime

National Coming Out Day

Coordinator for the LGBA