So Kansas had their way with us. I don’t have any excuses or any reasons that we lost. We just did, and I have to bite the freakin’ bullet.

Well, what’s done is done. The Cyclones fought through their worst loss of the young season. And to top it off, Colorado is coming to town. I’ve heard you all say it. We don’t have a chance! Their offense is too powerful! We’re outgunned!

So this may be true, but they do play the game for a reason. We can beat them. They are in our backyard. Nevertheless, I make this proposition. If they are so good, then the NCAA should introduce a handicap to such unbelievable teams as the mighty Buffaloes.

That’s right. We should even the score. Much like when David realized he was in deep ca-ca and used the slingshot against Goliath. The ‘Clones have to find a way to win. They have to adapt and overcome. Ingenuity is what I’m talking about.

The Cyclones should be allowed to bring weapons to the game. Anything the ‘Clones choose, including pots, rolling pins, fryin’ pans and baseball bats should be permitted. I like the baseball bat option myself. I’m not talking whiffle ball either. I’m talking aluminum big barrels. No guns will be allowed, though. It just wouldn’t be very civil.

They’re bigger and stronger. They can handle it can’t they? Sound to harsh? OK, there are more options.

The Buffaloes are allowed no food and water as long as they’re within the Iowa state lines. Let’s see how good they play if they’re malnutritioned. Too cruel? Oh well, football is a cruel sport. We’ll find out how good they are. I bet if they don’t have any energy, they just aren’t that good.

Next option. The enemy gets no pads! Why do they need pads? We’re just the Cyclones. We’re a weak team aren’t we? Why do they need pads?

Here’s another one. The Buffalo quarterbacks are so amazing. So hear this. Colorado quarterbacks aren’t allowed to pass. Any attempt to pass will result in an automatic spanking by the Cyclone faithful. That should teach ’em. I’m willing to bet that all their quarterbacks suck if they don’t throw the ball!

If there so good, let’s see ’em play without the use of their arms! I bet they couldn’t tackle anyone without using their arms. You want to know why? Because they’re terrible if they don’t use their arms.

Have I got my point across yet? Colorado is no miracle team. Kansas has proved that. With each team having all players healthy, they do have a better chance to beat us.

But let’s not lose sight of reality. They are still just a team that can be beaten on any given day. They are not so far above us that they can just waltz in and whoop our ass.

We are both Div. I teams that have excellent players. Some better than others, I admit. But the ‘Clones definitely have an excellent chance to beat Colorado.

This is why I’m picking Iowa State in an offensive battle. ISU 42, Colorado 30.

I know the team can win whether Colorado uses their arms or not. It’s time to turn the fan support meter up higher than it’s ever been. Get stupid fans.

After all, it’s Homecoming at ISU. Live it up, and I’ll see ya there.

Chad Calek is a sophomore in journalism from Persia, Iowa. He is the assistant sports editor of the Daily.