We kick butt. We know it. You know it. But does Nebraska care?

I think not, which is why I have devised a plan in which the entire football team can travel to Lincoln and enjoy one of the best weekends this football season.

First: Attitude is everything. Go in there thinking you’ll get your butt kicked, and who knows? Maybe the ‘Clones will encounter a little 1992 magic.

Then again maybe not. But if we lose, it isn’t like we lost to just anyone. After all, they are the No. 1 team in the country!

Second: The team should be allowed to join in on the tailgating. A little pregame locker room keg should be installed (for those players that are of legal age, of course!) Why not take the field butt-loaded? That way the players can truly throw their bodies around recklessly and not feel a thing.

Third: Find that ugly Herbie Husker and beat his brains out. If we can’t win on the field, we’ll put the wood to Herbie.

Fourth: This is for the coaching staff. Run every ridiculous play in the book. You know what I’m talking about. The swinging gate, hook and ladder, or the statue of liberty. Do it all, baby.

Nebraska has proven they can stop any fundamental play in the book, so throw a big crapburger at ’em and see how they react.

Fifth: This is for the cheerleaders. Make up some new cool cheers just for the game. I have one in mind. It goes a little something like this:

“We’re the Cyclones, and we’re good. You’re the Huskers, and you suck so deal with it!” Yeah, I know it is pretty simple, but that is the beauty of the whole thing. I really think the cheersquad should try it.

Sixth: Sing the “new school fight song.” What? You haven’t learned it? Find someone who has a copy and learn it. If there was ever a game that we needed the song, it’s this one.

Seventh: Play with pride, boys. If you play with dignity and composure, I don’t care what the score is, you’ll win the game.

I know Nebraska and their poor boy, hard-luck case Lawrence Phillips, lack what it takes to be a true winning ball club. I have no doubt that Nebraska has the best football team in the country, but besides Tom Osbourne, they certainly don’t have the best people involved in the program.

Eighth: Throw back time. Break out the ugly cardinal and gold uniforms. Feel the Magic inside them. Let the memory of Marv Seiler guide you to victory! Long live King Marv! Long Live King Marv!

Ninth: To the traveling fans: if we lose, tear their goal post down.

Why, you might ask? Why the hell not? We won’t be paying for it.

Tenth: Finally, this is for the team. Remember that you guys have nothing to prove to us.

You are, without a doubt, the hardest working football program in America today. You have made believers of many with your performances. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. So gospank the Huskers in their own backyard!

Now we come to my prediction, and yes I am picking ISU. Cyclones 63, Nebraska 14. Deal with it!

What is that I hear? OOOOVVVEERRRAAATTEDDDDD! That is the cry for the day. So make that trip to Lincoln and support the the ‘Clones. Have fun and I’ll see ya’ there.

---

Chad Calek is a sophomore in journalism from Persia, Iowa. He is assistant sports editor of the Daily.