The Sooners are coming to town, and it’s been a week since we could share the spirit, so here’s a recap of what is expected of all you faithful fans. Shave your head, sing the new fight song and destroy turf, goal post, etc. Simple, beautiful and perfect!

But it occurred to me that I haven’t formerly introduced the ten steps in pre-tailgate preparation. Take this for what it is worth, but it should help.

First: A tailgate is needed, obviously.

The bigger, the better. The more vehicles the better.

Second: Food.

I’m not talking Corn King dogs. I’m talkin’ fat, juicy, plump franks. The bigger the better.

Third: Beer, beer and more beer.

Any kind of beer is acceptable. After all, it is just beer. This is the key of all good tailgates.

There’s nothing wrong with getting a little loopy before the Cyclones whoop someone’s ass.

Fourth: Attractive counterparts.

You know what I’m talking about. All in attendance must be a step up above repulsiveness. If you’re just ugly, you can get by. It’s nothing a pair of beer goggles can’t handle. This is also a key to a good time. Beautiful people make for a beautiful tailgate.

Fifth: Cyclone fashions running wild.

Deck yourself out in gold and cardinal. Show that pride. Let the world know that your “one of those crazy Cyclone fans.” Paint your face, paint your friend’s face. Paint your car, your grill and your butt. Paint everything you touch in proud ISU colors.

Sixth: Good music.

And what better music than, you guessed it: Jock Rock! Boogie to the tunes of the competitive spirit. Come on, you know you love it!

Seventh: More beer. Just to make sure you’re truly ready for the game.

Eighth: The burning desire to be a fool.

Get stupid. You’re in college. Don’t be that “but what will everybody think of me” type of person.

Ninth: Faith in your team.

The belief that we will win, no matter what, will give a positive vibe to aid the atmosphere of the tailgate.

Tenth: And once again, even more beer!

The university understands the importance of alcohol. Look at Cydlines. They found a loophole, and I salute them.

I hope these ten steps help. I’ve thought about them, and I’ll guarantee that if those steps are followed, you’ll have the most excellent tailgate of all time.

Now let’s move on to some more positive news. Darren Davis is coming to Iowa State. That’s right, Troy’s little bro. It is so beautiful. Now we’ll have the two best running backs in the nation. There is a God, and he likes ISU!

On to the Oklahoma game. I feel solid about this prediction. Here we go. Cyclones 32, Sooners 26. Too much offense for the Sooners to handle, or should I say too much Davis.

And to all those crazy Cyclone fans out there, we have yet another chance at those freakin’ goal posts. They’re just standing there with that “holier than thou” look on their crossbar. Staring at us as if they’re untouchable.

If you listen closely you can hear them talking to us.

“Come get some,” they say. “Come get some.”

And when they finally come down, the one that leads the charge will be able to stand at attention and scream to the students and faculty, “I am Spartacus; I am Spartacus!”

It’s just too much to ponder! I’ll see ya there.

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Chad Calek is a sophomore in journalism from Persia, Iowa. He is the assistant sports editor of the Daily.