They say that the grass is always greener on the other side.

Maybe so. Hopefully so.

New plans for the official “rip-out” of the ancient turf of Jack Trice Field have been announced, and it couldn’t have happened sooner.

Sparked by a donation from local businessman Dwayne McAninch, the “Let it Grow” campaign is in full swing and is in desperate need of donations.

So you know what I’m thinking — oh O.J.???

The man’s going to have some extra cashflow now that ol’ Johnnie’s not sucking him dry anymore, so I think he could glove, er, foot at least half the bill.

It may be a good way for “the Juice” to polish his slightly tarnished image.

What?!

OK, maybe we won’t accept the donation after all. Even wonderfully new grass isn’t worth a donation from an ex-football star, wife-beater and liar who got off for no good reason.

There, I said it. I am very disappointed in the not-guilty verdict. End of story.

Back to greener and better things.

New grass means a lot more than a new pasture for the Cyclones to play in.

New grass is significant in Iowa State University’s commitment in turning around our football and financial woes.

Also our physical woes.

Replacing the decade-old turf with the “caviar of the cow” will definitely reduce the number of serious injuries that occur from loss of footing like tearing out knees and spraining ankles time and time again.

There is one problem, however. Who is going to mow the green carpet?

I say we hold auditions and whoever makes final cuts will have the prestigious honor of cutting the Cyclone yard.

* Contestant #1

He is no stranger to Cyclone Stadium racking up one of the losingest records ever in ISU football history. He is a regular at the Hooters “family” restaurant and is known for his witty banter with reporters.

He is Jim Walden, and he is ready to, clap, cut—our—grass!

* Contestant #2

He is a national ping-pong champion for the Armed Forces, owns part of the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., and can run with the best of them. He also has previous experience at mowing lawns.

He is Forrest Gump. Mow, Forrest, mow.

* Contestant #3

She was a regular on the TV show “Saved By the Bell” where she played Jesse Spano and dated AC Slater.

Now she’s a dancer and a star for the movie Showgirls. She’s out of a job and searching for that special niche where she can be herself.

She’s even working out a halftime entertainment show deal with the marching band.

She is Elizabeth Berkley, and she is not a whore, and thinks she’d look great on John Deere.

* The Winner *

It is a hard decision, and I think all of them have some very strong points for getting the job.

But the final decision is up to you — the devoted fans of Cyclone football.

This is your chance to voice your opinion on who will mow the plush green velvet next season.

Send your choice for the supreme mower to me: April Samp at 108 Hamilton Hall or drop it off at the Daily office in care of April Samp and your votes will be tallied and announced in next week’s column.

And the contestant of your choice will be contacted that he/she has received the prestigious honor of the “Keeper of the Carpet.”

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April Samp is a sophomore in journalism from Eldora.