As you may have heard, budget cuts have led to the terrible decision to underfund the history department here at Iowa State university.

After weeks of protests, Iowa State has finally found a way to fully fund the History department while also cleansing the university of a well known parasite; shutting down the engineering college.

For years, the students in the engineering college have lauded over the masses touting mathematics supremacy and cold indifferent decision making. Cleansing the university of this slum will drastically improve Iowa State’s comedy scene, dating scene, and fashion scene.

The comedy situation 

Engineers are known for precise mathematics which lead to ingenious new technologies and ideas. Sadly, this innovation does not expand to anything artistically. Iowa State engineering comedy begins and ends with The Shrek and Bee movie fascinations of the early 2010s. Copying and pasting the entire Bee Movie script was of course funny the first thirty times, but it’s time to stop.

The dating situation

I once saw an engineer take a girl on a first date to the library and then explain how reading works to her. I assume this was actually one of the better dating experiences with engineers.

The fashion situation

Cargo pants are only acceptable for people over thirty and professional fishermen. The fact that engineers often pair the monstrosities with esports gaming shirts and flip flops should be a crime punishable by having to take an empathy class.

On a final note, History subjects have some of the best bops on School House Rocks while engineering isn’t even mentioned.

Check Mate.