Don’t you hate it when you’re walking down the street and your butt starts itching? Dontcha?

Today’s Guru gripe of the day is sell-outs. You know who and what I’m talking about. Anybody that thinks they’re so original or so “anti-establishment” and then sell their soul to corporate America for that almighty buck.

Whatever happened to the Holden Caulfields of the world, did they all don three-piece suits and screw everybody?

Prime example: The Rolling Stones. The old geezers got something like $12 million dollars from Microsoft so Microsoft could use “Start Me Up” in their new commercials. Give me a freakin’ break.

Now who in their right mind would pay that much money for a song that’s as old as god. I mean, how many of us were alive or even coherent when that song came out?

Another example: Dennis Miller. Granted, the man is funny, but he’s selling out by hosting the MTV Awards. If I remember correctly he used to rip on corporate America and talk about the freedom of speech and press but there he is.

MTV is the god of all corporations that run how we live and what we listen to. Think about this. Where do all the “cool” bands get their start. On MTV. What better way to explain the success of Better that Ezra and Hole. The music you hear on the radio is the same as on MTV. Why, because they have convinced you, the viewing public, that this music is actually good.

Not only have the convinced you to go out and buy this crap, but they’ve also warped you into thinking that programs like “Singled Out” are beyond “cool.” Talk about pushing the women’s movement back about 20 years.

And the clothes. I don’t even want to start on those, but hey, I’m sure the leather backpacks started there and those foolish little girls bought into that facade that wearing those little leather thingies will put an air of coolness on their aura. Think again.

Let’s rename MTV to GeekTV, oops, typo. Think about it.

Speaking of sell-outs and MTV, let’s discuss Pearl Jam. What a crock of shit they’ve served up and dished out to their fans. Bitching about TicketMaster about prices when bands like Hootie and the Blowfish can sell $15 tickets. What gives? A little hypocrisy since Pearl Jam is now considering selling through TicketMaster. Shut Up!

Here’s the deal. You come to college to what? Open that little mind of yours and what happens? You fall right into that trap called “highschool syndrome.” You ask me, “Guru, what is that?” Well, let

me explain this little theory to you.

Here’s how it starts. You get here and everything’s unfamiliar, as it should be. You want something that’s comfortable or that you’re accustomed to. That’s where these little groups of conformity come into play.

They prey on you and you get this picture in your mind that this is the cool thing to do. Just like in highschool. Wake Up, it’s nothing more than a clique to make you feel welcome, and then they’ll mold you into their own little puppet. You’ll turn out to be nothing more than a little runner in their corporate machine. SELL OUT!!

You have been warned.

So, I’m outta’ here quicker than KY Jelly running down your back side.