OK, the star billing for this film alone would earn it major points. After Shawshank Redemption, Morgan Freeman made my top-ten list of rad guys (Tim Robbins was up there too). And Brad Pitt, well, I’ll just say that Thelma and Louise was righteous.

And while these two matched up like a bad Lethal Weapon clone (Freeman as Detective Somerset, the crusty, on-the-verge-of-retirement, older black cop, and Pitt as Detective Mills, the hotheaded, young, sexy, rebellious white guy), they ended up with some decent chemistry. But, I warn, it took a while.

Anyway, if you can get by the resemblance to Danny Glover and Mel Gibson, Seven has definite coronary potential. Your heart will be pumpin’ harder than if you’d spent an hour on the StairMaster.

Somerset and Mills are assigned to the bizarre murder of an extremely obese man who was found in his home, bound hand and foot by wire, face-down in a plate of spaghetti.

The coroner’s report shows that the man had eaten until he passed out, and then his killer had kicked him in the gut, thus splitting open various tasty organs and making him bleed to death.

So begins the luscious tale! And that ain’t even the gory part, chickadees. But Somerset and Mills have stomachs of steel, apparently, and they trace the killer through a barrage of gruesome murders, all of which were committed to curb the prevalence of the seven deadly sins.

For those non-biblical types who have also not read Dante’s Divine Comedy, these mortal no-no’s are gluttony, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and wrath. Do you see the horror-show possibilities here? While violations of these evils may land sinners in a pit of fire and brimstone, they sure do make fabulous fodder for fright films.

Watch for Nine-Inch-Nails-esque credits, enough gore to make Freddy Krueger queasy and a heart-attack-inducing ending. You will not believe it.

Oh, and kudos to Brad Pitt for not baring his chest, even in the scene where Morgan Freeman shows his. I respect the Pitt-ster a little more now.

Century III Theatres * 7:00 & 9:30