Don’t you hate it when you’re wiping your butt and the toilet paper rips? Dontcha?

Now that that’s out of the way, we can get down to bizznezz. Today’s Guru gripe, and believe you me it is a gripe (maybe a bitch), is the athletic department.

Sure, we have the No. 1 running back in the nation and McCarney is bringing back excitement, but my question is this: Excitement for whom? The greeks.

Here I go again. I thought it was quite suspicious when the football players went out to the greek houses and spoke during their meals, but when they didn’t go to the dorms, I was a bit surprised. Although I shouldn’t have been.

I will state it here once and once only, okay maybe twice, this university caters to the greeks.

Why else would they have greek night for the volleyball meet last weekend? If I remember correctly, and if I can read, since Friday’s paper is in front of me, the athletic department advertised giving a prize to each member of the house with the highest total members in attendance. What the hell is that all about?

By my calculations, or more realistically, by my call to the Residence Hall information people (who were very friendly and helpful), there are approximately 8,000 undergraduates and 500 graduates living in the residence halls. And by another call to the Panhellenic Council, there are approximately 3,000 undergraduates in the greek system.

Those numbers don’t add up. Let’s see: 8,500 and 3,000. Hey, let’s just concentrate on the greeks, although the dorms have about 5,000 more people. I guess the university knows where the sheep are.

This is pretty ridiculous if you ask me. I don’t have a problem with the university going to the greek houses and sponsoring a greek night, but come on, there’s more to this university than the greeks. Include all of us, or at least a bigger portion. I know you can’t include everyone, but at least have a dorm night or something.

Now that all the greeks think I’m picking on them, I’ll shift gears and bitch directly at the athletic department. Last week during the game, the season ticket holders, or at least my particular ticket, had to forfeit a seat and sit on the grass.

Excuse me, but if I can sit in the bleachers at every game of the year, why can’t I during the Iowa game? Who’s supporting the team and the school? The person buying one ticket or those with season tickets? I don’t think I have to answer this one; if I do, well, then you’re the sheep who’s following this university’s propaganda.

So it seems to me that this university is catering to the whims of the greek system, and I do stress SYSTEM. The president and his chums are feeding the egos of the greek system by telling them that they’re the only ones that matter. All the dorm rats can kiss their ass.

Well, I feel that it is my duty to bring all the corporate machine types down to earth, and this is my way of doing it. You’re going about this all wrong, and you’re feeding crap to those who are already wallowing in it. Stop it, you fools. Iowa State University; a ship full of fools.