I Want to Tell You…

Sound familiar? Not yet? OK, try these names on for size (or a pair of bloody gloves for that matter): Mark Fuhrman, Judge Lance Ito, Marcia Clark—oh, of course, I almost forgot—O.J. Simpson.

How silly of me to forget about the main character in this fiasco of a court case!

But am I really? It seems the focus has been taken off O.J. and has been displaced on many other figures involved in the trial.

Let me take the liberty of re-introducing you to “The Juice.”

O.J. Simpson is the ex-football star-turned-actor on trial for the two brutal murders of his ex-wife, Nicole Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman, and has been for a year and a half now.

I know, I know, you were already aware of all that information, but I’m not finished.

O.J., supposedly confined to a prison cell, has been making a

pretty penny on his popularity. I introduce you to O.J. —the entrepreneur.

Let me just run down the list of all the available “neat stuff” a person could get, based on this trial.

* Is your family thinking about getting their picture taken soon? How about you and your boyfriend or girlfriend? Here’s a great idea. Now you, yes you, can get your photo taken with the actual white Bronco used in the O.J. and Al Cowlings police chase down the California freeway.

* Have you been looking everywhere for that special gift for that special someone? Look no fur-

ther. The leather bound editions

of the bestseller, I Want to Tell You, by O.J. Simpson have arrived.

To make the occasion even more special, get a signed copy str-

aight from the jail cell by O.J. himself.

O.J.’s cut — $240,000 for signing the books and a cool million for the entire book deal.

* Can’t find the right words to tell her you love her or that you’re sorry? Let O.J. do it with the official O.J. Simpson greeting card. O.J.’s voice says what you’ve been trying to say for so long.

O.J.’s cut —ÿ$600,000 upfront.

* Have an empty space on the fireplace mantel and your mother’s coming to visit in a week? Need that certain something to make the room look complete? The O.J. Simpson bronze statue would compliment any decor and bring new life into that plain room. Looks great in dorm rooms, too. You pay only $3,000 for this timeless classic.

O.J.’s cut — $50,000 upfront.

Who knew murder would be so profitable?

The L.A. County taxpayers don’t think it’s so profitable. As of last week, those California residents have had to shell out over $7 million.

If O.J. is acquitted, that much money will be mere pocket change to him. Hell, if he doesn’t get off, it will probably still be pocket change.

I Want to Tell You that the American public, Ron and Nicole’s

families and the U.S. justice

system are being had. We’re paying for a superstar’s mistake and will be as long as money can buy freedom.

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April Samp is a sophomore in journalism from Eldora, Iowa.