Now, I love Michelle Pfeiffer. Fabulous Baker Boys — wow! She positively sizzled! And Batman Returns? She gave both Michael Keaton and Danny DeVito a run for their money. And who can forget her fabulous performance as Stephanie in Grease 2?? No one ever looked cooler in a pink satin jacket.

So I am crushed to now express any sort of disappointment in Ms. Pfeiffer. The makers of this movie are banking on her name, but, truth be told, she loses the spotlight to her much younger, much more realistic students.

First of all, this may sound superficial, but where is the dazzling blonde hair? I’m sorry, but I can barely see her without those fabulous California girl locks. Maybe the whole point was to make her look dowdy and lackluster, but she just doesn’t look like the Michelle Pfeiffer that audiences know and love.

Plus, she’d be wise to lose the accent. I’m sorry, but no Texan worth his or her salt talks in a dainty, tiny voice; they play up the drawl for all it’s worth. She just doesn’t fit the part she’s supposed to play, that of a newly divorced ex-Marine who is hired to teach a group of “special” students.

These kids are bussed from the inner city to a nice, suburban high school for classes. Many come from broken homes, poverty, violence. They are loud, obnoxious and way more interested in dancin’ and chattering than in conjugating verbs.

And one fella named Raul (played by Reynol Santiago) — he was great! Raw, real, righteous. If he plays his cards right, he’ll have a long, non-cheesy acting career ahead of him.

But back to me plot. Louanne (Pfeiffer) manages to get the kids’ attention with a rad leather jacket and some quick lessons in karate, and she hangs on to it with bribery (Butterfingers work miracles) and some poetry by Bob Dylan.

In the process, of course, she learns about the kids and their problems, and she becomes very close to them. But while movies like this always make me bawl like a baby, I didn’t feel the urge at all, even when the characters on screen were misting up.

What’s up with that? The only explanation has to be that we don’t find out enough about the characters, including Louanne and her marriage situation, to let loose with some tears. And that is a shame, because the whole premise of the movie has the potential to really work an audience up into a tantrum. But all I could think about was how bad I had to pee.

North Grand Mall Theatres * 7 p.m. & 9 p.m.