America, the land of the free, has become the land of the “blame somebody else” imbeciles. Let me explain.

I have often been very critical of the American judicial system for being clogged down in idiotic cases while our jails suffer an overflow of drastic proportions.

I have been reluctant to limit the freedoms of citizens to bring forth their grievances, as politicians such as Newt Gingrich have in the past, but the abuse of the system has gotten so ludicrous at times I find it hard to be satisfied that the American freedoms we hold dear should apply to everyone, and, like some pornography and racist literature, we must take the good with the bad if our Constitution can be truly functional.

While I have often gotten the impression that there are too many frivolous lawsuits in this country that harm our legal system by allowing every boob in the known universe to present their case before a court of law, no matter how stupid or ridiculous they may be, I did not have sufficient evidence of the severity of moronic lawsuits. Until now. I swear I am not making these cases up:

The Case of the Testicle-Stomping Dog. A Maryland teen-ager, while on a schoolyard playground, had his testicles stepped on by a dog. One would think the kid would grimace, yell and chase the dog off, and that would be the end. Instead, he is suing the school board for $3 million for not protecting people from schoolyard-roving dogs.

The Tale of the Humping Hobos. Daryl Washington and Maria Ramos, two homeless people, were hit by a subway train while having sex on the tracks. One would think these two brain surgeons would take this as a lesson learned. As exciting as it may be to have sexual intercourse in a public place, perhaps underneath an oncoming train is not the best possible choice. Instead, they are suing the Transit Authority for not taking precautions to prevent bums from fornicating on the tracks.

The Life of the Party. Aryeh Motzkin, a former faculty member at Boston University, was dismissed for sexually harassing three students and a fellow faculty member. He, however, is suing the university because it’s not his fault that he is a sexual harasser. After all, he takes tranquilizers, which loosen his inhibitions, according to the American Disabilities Act. Jeez…

The Case of Whiny Guys in Prison. Paul Goist and Craig Anthony are inmates at a prison. Prison, as in a place where you house convicted criminals. Goist and Anthony, avid coffee drinkers, apparently were suffering from insomnia and headaches. One could say, tough luck, you’re in prison and it’s not supposed to be spring break. Instead, these two Ringling Brothers are suing Maxwell House for $20,000 for not putting a warning label on their coffee.

The Tale of the Mistyping Misanthrope. Thomas Wallace, a black man, was using his computer’s CD-ROM encyclopedia to retrieve information about the nation “Niger.” He mistyped, and instead received entries relating to the topic “nigger.” Rather than says, whoops, that’s definitely not the right subject, and move on, Wallace is suing the CD-Rom maker for $40 million for emotional distress. Emotional distress, by the by, is without a doubt the most worthless, all-encompassing damage for which one is allowed to sue.

This last case is a tragedy, and really strikes at the heart of this issue. Bernard Bagley’s wife was shot dead by a Durham, North Carolina police officer with a police service revolver. Rather than just seeking to put the killer cop in jail, Bagley is suing the Durham police force for $3 million for issuing the murderer the pistol.

This truly gets to the heart of the issue. There is no money in simply jailing someone who has offended you. There is also no money, usually, in suing individuals unless they happen to be extremely wealthy.

Many people are not entering the courts in search of justice. They are seeking monetary sums from those who can give them the most cash, regardless of who is truly responsible for a wrongdoing.

While justice may be blind, it need not be stupid. The land of opportunity has, in many ways, become the land of opportunism. How sad.

Tim Davis is a junior from Carlislep. He is the opinion page editor of the Daily.,