Living life anywhere can be a real challenge. Regardless of how good your situation is, there always seems to be something that can cause a problem. Nobody has it perfect. A main source of the everyday struggle is due to confusion.

Knowing things about your life and what is going on around you can be a real benefit. It can make you look and feel a little less ignorant than you really are.

I have come up with some guidelines (for lack of a better word) that might prove to be a real education when it comes to life at ISU. There are about ten of them, which doesn’t constitute them as a “top ten list.” Rather, think of them as the Ten Commandments of ISU. I’d rather be accused of blasphemy than for using a cliche-form of writing.

I would like to save these for my proposed Life 101 class, it might make for a good introductory lecture. But since that class will never become a reality (which I knew from the outset, honestly), I’ll share it with you here.

I am (your name here). There is only one (your name again). I will put no others in front of me. It sounds rather selfish, but I don’t think it’s impractical. You have to look out for number one, because it’s a rarity if anyone else will. You can’t please everyone, but you should at least try to make one of those people yourself.

Aim profane words at the correct people. You have certain limited rights when directing profanity at people on this campus. When walking, you may cuss all you want at drivers. When driving, feel free to fling the f-word at any pedestrian that gets in your path. Users of either mode of transportation may direct a barrage of four-letter words at cyclists.

Do not skip class. You’re here to go to school, in most cases. Going to class is directly related to getting good grades. So unless there is an emergency, do not miss class. And for those of you that know me, remember this: Do as I say, not as I do.

Do not feel guilty when you bother your father and mother for money. I don’t. Hopefully someday I will, but until then, I will go right ahead and call my parents when I need something. I have found out that when it seems the whole world is going to cave in on me, my parents are right there to support me. And to be honest, the love they give me is worth much more than any amount of money they stick in my checking account. But the money’s nice, too.

Be organized. Without organization, you will find yourself swamped. Things will get put off until the last minute, and not always because of procrastination, but because you just forgot about them. I should listen to my own advice here. I’m always losing things: My friends’ addresses, my Cure tapes, my History 426 syllabus, my hearing, my hair, my mind … well, it’snot that bad.

Be prepared to receive numerous parking tickets. People with cars can expect to receive at least $100 worth of parking violations from the DPS (a.k.a. Department of Parking Soldiers). If you don’t have a car, don’t be surprised to accumulate about half of the figure given above. They will find a way.

Do not lie while hitting on someone. This goes against everything that exists in current trends of the sport of “hitting-on.” But it would have three possible consequences. For one, it might eliminate the sleaziness involved in trying to attract a possible mate. Second, being honest with someone rather than putting on a rather lame act might actually work a hell of a lot better. Or it might eliminate the whole practice all together. Any of those would be an improvement.

If you haven’t already, learn to enjoy writing letters. I know it’s sometimes a real pain in the ass to write out a letter, especially when you can express your feelings in a more personal way on the phone. But the mail is much more cost-efficient. This is another rule I should preach upon myself. I have had triple-digit phone bills due to conversations that I easily could have written down. I figure the cost of stamps for a month’s worth of talking on the phone would be about $3.84, give or take. Of course, if you learn to master the world of e-mail, you’re even better off.

Thou shalt covet thy roommate’s cigarettes. Another terrible habit that really adds up in a hurry from a financial standpoint. I have learned to bum a smoke whenever possible, and due to the generosity of my roommates, it is usually not a problem. Bob, Mark, Jenn … thanks.

Okay, so there are only nine commandments. Of course, you can add your own tenth commandment. Do not utter the name Jim Walden above the decibel level of a whisper is one example. But come up with your own, whatever works for you. Be original, which isn’t a bad idea for the tenth commandment, either.

Christopher Clair is a senior in philosophy, English and religious studies from Des Moines.