While many students talk about it and many more may joke about it, the stress of maintaining a long distance relationship can be a problem for some.

The fairly common social situation, known more affectionately on campus as Hometown Honey Syndrome, affects many Iowa State students. If not handled properly, it can lead to emotional, academic and financial stress, said Tom Woodruff, a doctoral intern at the Student Counseling Center.

“A large component of the adjustment to being in a new place or situation is the separation from close friends and family and thus feeling isolated,” Woodruff said.

Tom, a junior in civil engineering, said having a girlfriend back home “sucks.”

“Amber is six hours away in Chicago, so we don’t get to see each other very often,” he said. “I have a hard time doing my work sometimes because I’m thinking about the next time we will see each other.”

Lack of concentration isn’t the only problem that accompanies a long-distance relationship. Robyn Miessler, a junior from Cedar Rapids, found her relationship with Dan, a sophomore at the University of Iowa, to be financially taxing.

“We pay very high long-distance phone bills,” she said. “And I have put a lot of miles on my car because he doesn’t have a car.”

Though long-distance relationships and large phone bills invariably go hand in hand, some students get more caught up in it than others.

Allison, a junior in elementary education, and her boyfriend, Dan, who attends Kansas University, spent their first year apart trying to catch up with overdue phone bills when the phone company cut off their service. The couple had to turn to letters, some up to 20 pages long.

“When we went away to different colleges, it was so hard because I had to adjust to losing a best friend and a boyfriend on top of adjusting to college,” she said.

Woodruff said some students get so stressed out trying to maintain their relationships that they isolate themselves from everyone else.

“They deprive themselves of the total college experience because they think it might compromise the commitment they have to the person at home,” he said.

Others get so depressed that they turn to alcohol and substance abuse to numb the pain. Students then need special treatment, but Woodruff said there are steps students can take before it gets to that point.

“First, we try to get the person to open up and talk about their doubts,” Woodruff said. “In the dark, doubts – like vampires – are threatening, but if you open a window and let some light in, they disappear.”

Woodruff said the next step is to get the student involved in positive activities such as exercising or joining a club.

Allison, whose relationship with Dan has lasted a little over two years, said the key to her relationship has been honesty and extracurricular involvement.

“We get through things because we support each other,” she said. “We don’t write or talk on the phone as much because we are involved in so many things at school that we just don’t have the time.”

But the calls and letters are still important. “Sometimes the distance is good because phone calls and letters are one-on-one without the distractions of other people,” Allison said.

Miessler agreed. “You have to let each other know what’s going on, or you will have problems,” she said.

Woodruff said the most important thing about dealing with the stress of long-distance relationships is to realize that “you’re not the only one out there who’s going through it.”

For those students who have not found a way to deal with HTHS, stress management and relaxation training programs are available at the counseling center.