Yes! The time has come. Tonight is THE night of the greatest football game—of—all—time.

Two of the biggest powerhouses in collegiate football are pitted against each other, and only the best team will win.

Oh yeah. You know what I’m talking about. The Cyclones versus the Bobcats. The ferocious cardinal and gold take on the mighty green and white.

I only have two questions: Timerrrs readdyyy? Gladiatorrrs readdyyy?

You know what’s on my mind. It’s our own local American Gladiators right here in Ames, Iowa. And I have taken the time to so eloquently name it the “Battle of the Defeated—with one tie.”

The stage is set.

The Arena: the newly reconstructed Jack Trice Field is sure to be filled with millions of reverted (not perverted) Cyclone fans with the glimmer of hope in their eyes and a look of determination on their faces to cheer on their beloved ‘Clones to the end of the grueling battle ahead.

The Contenders: First, meet the men in green and white from Athens, Ohio, one of only two winless Division I teams last season—the Ohio Bobcats. The Bobcats like to attack with the I-formation and are ready to butt heads with the hometown favorite.

Second, meet the men in cardinal and gold from your hometown of Ames, Iowa, the other of the only two winless D-I teams—the Iowa State Cyclones. The Cyclones use a pro-style offense and are ready for the ‘Cats. They’re one tie ahead of Ohio and for that reason alone ISU has the obvious advantage.

The Gladiators: Taking on the vengeful Cyclones will be the

visiting Jim “Ice” Grobe. Ice is a rookie Gladiator taking over the duties for Tom Lichtenberg, ex-head football coach for Ohio and ex-assistant for ISU under

Jim Walden. Hmmm. I sense a pattern.

Another rookie Gladiator is Dan “Laser” McCarney. He will battle the Bobcats. Laser’s specialty is turning around teams that have hit rock-bottom.

Laser definitely has the advantage in this competition. With his undying enthusiasm and his will to succeed, Laser will give us a show we’ll remember.

Laser’s only comment was, “It’s a whole new ball game.”

Seriously though, tonight is going to be a momentous night for Cyclone football. Tonight will hopefully mark the rebirth of a winning tradition at ISU. No longer will we be scoffed at. We are going to prove one game at a time that we’re the second worst team in the nation, then the third worst team in the nation, then the fourth, well, you get my drift.

I predict a win, ISU 35, Ohio 0. The Cyclones will sweep all the categories with ease, including power ball, pugel sticks (the big Q-tips), the obstacle course and the Kreg (the big mountain).

Oh, and the football score will be ISU 22, Ohio 14.

And may we all be American Gladiators in our hearts tonight.

By the way, for a good laugh this weekend catch the new “Jim Walden Show.” It should be a “hoot.”

April Samp is a sophomore in journalism from Eldora, Iowa.