The Department of Public Safety (DPS) believes that they can stop the “headaches” campus bikers are apparently creating for some people.

In the near future, DPS officers will travel in pairs to crackdown and ticket bikers who don’t park in racks, are not registered with the city of Ames, or utilize pedestrian sidewalks as travel routes.

But however noble its goals, plans simply won’t go smoothly. Impotent enforceability is a problem.

During the years I’ve been at Iowa State, there have been similar attempts to combat bicycles, the apparent plague of the pedestrian.

The results have been far from productive, however. The failed attempt at (and subsequent vandalism of) anti-biking signage, as an example, was a disaster.

But how to keep riders off the sidewalks? I certainly can’t picture high-speed chases across central campus, officers yelling, “Hey, stop!”

Even if the biker were to stop, and was asked, “License and registration, please,” the student (if she were smart) would say, “I have no ID on me, and no, I’m not registered, so I’ll see you around.” And off she’d ride, no harm done.

It’s been suggested that an east-west bike trail is needed across campus. While this sounds like a good idea in theory, I can’t say that it’s very practical at a cost of $400,000 (no that’s not a typo).

Besides, when I’m cruising across campus, there are always, without a doubt, more pedestrians in the bike paths than bikers. I see nothing that would make the proposed trail any different — it would just be another sidewalk. That being the case, I think that the last thing ISU needs is more asphalt.

Many, like me, might ask, “Why the need to restrict sidewalks to pedestrians anyway?”

Most likely because of a few out-of-control maniacs who don’t know how to 1) slow down, 2) say “Excuse me,” or 3) ride a bike, period.

Just the same, there will always be people who don’t pay attention to where they’re walking; they are, after all, part of accidents too.

Seriously, I don’t know what the solution is; while I’ll be chastised for saying, “Wake up and pay attention,” I think it can make some difference. Look both ways if you don’t want to be in an accident or have your hand held; not everyone’s lucid.

Anyway, to change gears (no pun intended), let’s talk parking.

According to Loras Jaeger, DPS director, nearly $150,000 has gone toward new bike racks over the past three years. However, it’s no secret to anyone that there is definitely a lack of parking.

While I do indeed see new, aesthetically pleasing bike racks, I see them where old ones used to be. So what ever happened to the old ones, anyway? Were they moved elsewhere throughout campus?

It didn’t appear that way, so on a whim, I went to find out. It occurred to me that the university has a few storage yards. Lo and behold, out near lot 35, by the Purchasing Warehouse, I discovered where those old racks had gone — to rust.

Taking about two minutes to look around, I found 71 bike racks that could hold nearly 869 bicycles. Stacked into obscene piles and rows, they now stand idle, doing nothing but feeling unwanted.

I suppose that they don’t quite fit in with their new counterparts, but if there’s a parking problem, you’d think they could be of service. Back in a truck, pick those suckers up, and distribute them as needed.

Increased parking is definitely in order, especially until all the fair-weather bikers hibernate for the raw of winter. 869 spaces is a pretty good start.

In the past, placing warnings or tickets on bikes chained to trees, fences or handrails has done nothing but create large litter piles in dark corners on especially windy days.

For that matter, confiscating those bikes has been no better, for such a practice is a great deal of trouble. Simply put, unregistered bikes, and their owners, can’t effectively be punished for makeshift parking.

So, in order to be effective, why not make registration mandatory? Actually it is, but many find the fee ludicrous, despite the fact that it pays for projects like local trail construction.

Their gripe is as follows, “Man, I’m not paying that shit, I’m not even going to be here next year. Besides, why would I want to make it easier for the establishment to locate, and even punish me?”

While this gripe seems obnoxiously stubborn, I’ve got to admit that I’ve been one who’s said it before — the reasoning is self-evident. Why be placed under lock and key when you’re not irresponsible and unsafe?

So, in conclusion, problems with bikes do in fact exist. But before DPS embarrasses itself, and before being subjected to silly rules, other viable, reasonable, and effective solutions need to be proposed. Your suggestions are welcome, but in the meantime, ride free. Just do us all a favor by trying to play by the rules and keeping your cool.

David Ptak is a senior in philosophy from Long Island, New York.