Let us discuss some literature I have always wanted to critique: the literature of the lavatory. Yes, the unspoken, unheralded, yet commonly seen reading for the restroom. You’ve read it, don’t deny. Without a magazine or the comics what do those lonely eyes have but open space…and the walls.

Don’t try to tell me that people are someday going to come clean and quit writing graffiti. Don’t tell me new and tough laws will someday crackdown on bathroom poets. The craft is in our nature and lawmakers know it. They enjoy it, too. And really, it can be wonderfully enlightening and funny. Writing on bathroom walls is as natural as the innate human feeling of laughter.

Get colloquial with me for a awhile. If you’re scared to read it in the presence of esteemed colleagues, take it to the john.

In the last four years I’ve seen a lot of graffiti in bathrooms at Iowa State. Thankfully, it hasn’t gotten out of hand. A good healthy amount of graffiti is the sign of a charming and witty campus.

Now I can’t speak for the girls. Myth has it that womens’ restrooms are more graffiti-pure than men’s. Guys say that the graffiti in girls’ restrooms typically deals with cleaner subjects like “Suzi loves John” and so forth. Girls, you know the truth. A letter-to-the-editor from a pioneer soul would be nice. However, let us talk content. Content must be healthy and here I see that we often run into problems. The greatest problem concerns racist comments that I have seen so often. To me it is so inborn and obvious to open my arms to brothers and sisters of all races, religions, and origins that I can almost not think of words to comment on racist fools.

Racist comments are plain stupid. “All @##@’s go back to @##@,” is one. Or a certain ethnicity’s should die. What foolishness. “Learn to speak English” some bigots say. Well, my foolish commentatores, why don’t you learn another language? Right, I forgot. You belong to the most powerful nation in the world.

There is no place for racist graffiti artists. In fact there is no need to be negative or obscene on any bathroom wall. If you’re gonna be suggestive, be witty and/or intelligent. And people know the difference. Just like music, art, or literature.

Some bathroom artisans are clever. Drawing an arrow next to the toilet paper and saying, “These are University diplomas, take one”, now that’s neat. Or John Wayne toilet paper. Rough and tough and takes crap off nobody. Witty. Still some graffiti artists are plain boobs. There is someone who calls himself “Graffiti Man” slithering about the ISU campus. If you find him, put him out of his misery. He’s bad.

I myself rarely pen on bathroom walls. I can never remember to bring a pen. Just kidding. Truthfully, I’d rather not waste the time. Yet sometimes I’ll come up with a good one. Sometimes, I’ll cross out hurtful or idiotic writing. Could you do me a favor? If you see foolishness on bathroom walls, cross it out. Don’t ignorantly scrawl a reply, (unless you can think of a really good one). And if you can be positive and upbeat, do it. Words are powerful tools. Graffiti says a lot about the overall environment where it is written. You dimwits who write jibber jabber, shut up.

Andy Moore is an alum in English and political science from Davenport. He is currently enrolled in summer session.