Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the Information Age. Movie stars don’t hang from cliffs anymore. Computers do it for them. Salesmen don’t sell dictionaries anymore. They are accessed on computers. Soon magazines will be obsolete and we’ll all stare at Newsweek on our PCs. What will we take to the john then?

In the midst of all this technology, sometimes people like me suffer from information overload. There’s so much to do and see in a day beyond the computer that sometimes a brain gets burned out. Let’s take an inventory of Andy’s day without computers:

After writing a Daily column on my roommate’s laptop (Okay, so you can’t completely escape), I washed some dishes, killed a few flies, and showered. Next I traveled to Hy-Vee, ate at nearby Subway and then on to Target where I returned a remote control. When I finally got out of the parking lot onto busy Lincoln Way, I decided to lift weights. Parking illegally at the Recreation Center, I finally gave the crumbling atmosphere a rest from the exhaust of my brother’s car.

When I began lifting weights the temperature had already reached 100 degrees. I was one of only 14 people in that weight room. I felt pretty good until I saw two 50-year-old guys that looked better than me. After lifting, I went on several other errands, first to the Daily office, the IEOP, the M.U., and finally to McDonald’s for “one of those burgers that is responsible for the fall of the rain forest.”

Later, after a short nap, I went to the laundry mat where I was greeted by the kooky talk show hostess Ricki Lake on TV. (Remember Ricki in the box office smash Cabin Boy?) On this show, she featured audience members who were given the chance to meet and ask out former Ricki guests. One man went on stage to ask out Dominique, who also happened to have two overprotective brothers who the man had to win over. Woohoo! It’s the Bozo Show!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Information Overload Day – and it’s not over yet. Reading the opinion page of the Daily in the afternoon I was barraged by U.S. Rep. Bernard Sanders (I-Vt.) who was talking about balanced budgets, the Mansion Subsidy, The Accelerated Depreciation Subsidy and the Overseas Private Investments Corporation. I’m a political science major and I had trouble understanding this guy’s letter to the editor. (Quick tip: All political science majors should be required to take some economics classes.)

In other articles, Tim Frerking is lamenting the growth of the human population and Christopher Clair wants to go back to the ’80s. Hell Chris, I wanna go back to my mother’s womb. Boom! And then page two displays the many movies I want to see. I plan to write the government and ask them to create a Poor Students Movie Viewing Subsidy so I can watch all the movies I want.

All these experiences got me to thinking about about the state of the world, what it all means and why the British call a butt a bum. And why are French fries in England called chips, and potato chips called crisps? This is too much for me. I’m gonna go have a drink. I think I’ll leave the computers to others. I’m just gonna try to get by.

Andy Moore is a an ISU alum in English and political science from Davenport. He is currently enrolled in summer session.