Logan Metzger, a junior in English education and managing editor of content at the Iowa State Daily. 

(he/him/his)

To those who know me personally, y’all already know what I have to say, and I just want to thank you for being there to support me throughout my life.

My name is Logan Metzger, my pronouns are he/him/his and I am a gay man.

It feels really weird to write that, especially in a place I know will be published to a national audience, but there, I have done it, and I guess the important aspect of me writing this is to tell my story, so here it is.

The first time I had come out, I said I was bisexual, and it was to my close friends in my sophomore year of high school. We were on the bus heading to school, and I just told them. For some reason, I had told myself they would be upset or mad or would not want to be friends with me anymore, but when I look back at it now, I know it was stupid of me to think that because those friends still care for and support me to this day.

So thank you Celeste, Jordan, Garrison, Oli, Amanda and Savana, not all of you were on the bus that morning, but all of you have made my life brighter, and I love you all. 

The next time I came out was to those same friends and my teachers, but it was later that year or at least early my junior year, and I had finally figured out I wasn’t really bisexual and was really gay the whole time. Not soon afterward, it got around to the whole school, but I didn’t care, and it wasn’t a big deal either. I was never made fun of (at least not to my face) and I genuinely had a great experience the rest of my high school career.

So thank you to Mrs. Gammon, Ms. King, Mrs. Angstman (it was Strawn at the time), Mrs. Crouse, Señora Reyner, Mrs. Mullaney and Mrs. Dobson for always supporting me. It may not have been outright saying words of support or talking with me about what I thought it meant to be gay or listening to my woes of flirting with boys, but just being there and being my friend really meant a lot to me, and I really don’t think I would be here without any of you.

The final time I came out was to my mother and step-father. If you know me, this is where it gets sad, so I apologize. I am an introvert and I have always hated confrontation, so you can imagine how I felt about wanting to come out to my parental figures, whom I feared more than anything. So, I wrote a letter.

In the letter, I came out as bisexual, hoping that would be the better option for my family because there was still the hope I would end up with a woman, but I no longer identified as bisexual, and it was a lie. However, I thought I needed that lie at the time because I knew my family held conservative views, and I was afraid.

So I left the letter on the kitchen table and went to work as I normally would that day and waited, waiting for the ball to drop. And then my grandmother came into my work, which wasn’t unusual, especially when I was having a slow day, but she was there for a different reason.

My mother had read the letter and she had decided to tell all of my grandparents about it, taking that choice away from me, and now I was directly facing one of my grandmothers in my place of work.

Thankfully, I cannot remember all of the things my grandmother said to me that day, and I really don’t care to repeat the few things I do remember here. Just know they weren’t nice things.

Through my grandmother, I learned my mother was unhappy with “my choice” and that it was probably best I didn’t go home that night, so I stayed with my grandmother, even after everything she said to me.

My other grandmother and my step-grandmother did both text me saying they loved and supported me, which helped, but I was still hurt.

Until I graduated high school and even till this exact day, I have not talked with any of my family about being gay, about what it means to me and about what they said to me made me feel. I’m scared, not of being kicked out or beaten or even killed like many LGBTQIA+ youth are, but just scared of losing my family, even if they don’t know “the real me.”

These coming out stories were put together by the diversity news editor, Madison Mason. If you or someone you know would like to submit your coming out story, then reach out to Madison Mason at [email protected] or submit your story here.