For some of us, the first few dates are always hard and maybe a little bit awkward especially when it comes to figuring out the other person. I am no expert by any means but I have a significant other so I am kind of an expert. 

I was able to accomplish the perfect date and get a significant other by talking about these topics.  Firstly, I like to talk about the most basic things: where you’re from, what your major is and where you see yourself in five years. 

Once those tired old questions have been asked I like to ask if they believe lizard people disguised as humans run our government as part of the New World Order. Then you should follow that up by talking about your belief that people live in ATM machines or talk about how a shadowy child figure stands in your corner late at night speaking to you in what you think is Latin. Do not be afraid to throw in more personal anecdotes. I talked about how I still wet the bed. All of these got my date hot and bothered.

 It was almost a perfect date until I started talking about how JFK Jr. is still alive. I cannot emphasize this enough. Do not talk about JFK Jr. being alive, your date will find that asinine and you may never get another one.

Just most importantly have fun, don’t be afraid to throw in some deeply personal dark secret you have, but those topics I mentioned above will get you a significant other and help your dates go perfectly.