Top 10 places to cry on campus
September 14, 2021
-
The MU:
What better place to break down in tears than a hub for all students? Blissfully take solace in the fact there’s so many people here and yet, no one really cares.
-
CyRide:
Ah yes, a metal chariot to take your tears mobile. Your sadness will touch all corners of the campus.
-
Ross:
Prevent the next fire with the endless waterfall that is your unyielding sadness.
-
Howe to Hoover Skybridge:
Suspended over a street. Between two buildings. Let all the more challenging colleges see you breakdown in that concrete and glass tube.
-
Multicultural Student Center:
Embrace your white guilt.
-
Midnight between the trees on the Campanile near the clock tower:
Very specific. Seemingly anecdotal. Release those inhibitions and weep. Haunt the vast space with the echoes of your haunted groans while a group of streakers run past you.
-
Any room in the library:
Slice through the silence of academic intent with the pitter patter of your sadness. Yeah, that person right next to you is trying to study for a big exam. So what? You just realized that there’s no conceivable way that you’re going to pass thermodynamics.
-
Meat Lab:
In between the sounds of the animals being slaughtered, bawl. Bawl and pick up some cheap meat from your University so you can sad eat some homemade tacos.
-
State Gym:
Run from your problems. Maybe the soreness will detract from your deep rooted emotional pain? Probably not. Let the clanking of the weights drown out the whimpers as you “sweat” from your eyes.
-
Someone’s dorm:
You’ve trekked throughout the academic portions of campus, you’ve leaked sadness juice all over your own pillows before, why not someone else’s? Infiltrate the dorms, find an *empty* bed and let loose.