Editor’s Note: The following column is a satire piece. 

The day has come and gone, dear reader. Oprah Winfrey has finally sat down with the no-longer-royals Harry David and Meghan Markle. Tea was spilled, lines were crossed. But the most shocking of all was that a 94-year-old white woman who is a queen of a country steeped in tradition and not deviating from them for anyone was accused of being racist. Imagine that! Someone who lived a majority of their life during extremely racist times is kind of racist. Crazy!

But this was not the craziest news of the night. In a shocking twist, Harry, in memory of the late, great guitarist and sex icon Prince, has decided to forego his royal-given name all together. He will instead be known as “The Royal formally known as Prince Harry.”

It is a brilliant move that lets him distance himself from his family but still be able to jump back in in case the Prince of Wales, the Duke of Cambridge, Prince George of Cambridge, Princess Charlotte of Cambridge and Prince Louis of Cambridge all unfortunately die and Harry can sit on the throne. Now, while a privileged white man taking the name of a famous deceased Black artist may seem like a recipe for disaster, we must remember the old saying: Nothing bad will happen to you as long as you have money and the protection of an entire country and the sympathy of another.

This now presents us with an unprecedented opportunity. The royal family is in shambles, the United Kingdom is too engrossed in the drama to be paying attention or even really care about anything else. This is America’s perfect time to strike and finish what our forefathers started. Now is the time to take down the redcoats once and for all.

We have been waiting, smiling next to them in photos while planning the perfect strike plan and patiently waiting for the perfect moment to put it into action. Not only will we be able to catch them off guard, but we can use the Queen’s racism as justification (because America had absolutely no racial problems that need to be immediately and seriously addressed.)

As we sit and watch this wonderful catastrophe unfold, the real announcement we want is when Harry and Meghan will get their own reality TV show. From shows like Jersey Shore, Keeping Up with the Kardashians and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, this whole situation screams terrible television “documenting” people’s real lives while getting rich off their suffering. The Kardashian formula of being the child of someone famous and getting rich off their own controversy and monetize the hell out of it perfectly fits their situation.

And, with the winning combo of Meghan’s mediocre acting and Harry’s family money and brilliant smile, I’m positive it would last at least seven seasons. And who wouldn’t want to see that for years?