Editor’s note: This piece is a part of ‘In This Together,’ which seeks to raise awareness about the complex issues of sexual violence. We asked the Iowa State community to share perspectives in various mediums as survivors, bystanders and allies. The initiative is a partnership between the Iowa State Daily, Green Dot and the Margaret Sloss Women’s Center. 

When I was 18, I was dating a guy I really cared about. We were already sexually active, but he had become obsessed with the idea of anal. I didn’t want to try it and he kept persisting. One day, instead of asking he just held me down and did what he wanted. I was in shock the entire time and it’s a bit hard to remember what exactly happened. The one thing I do remember is quietly begging him to stop. After he was finished I got dressed and left. I never reported it. I was too scared of what my parents would think, since they didn’t know I was sexually active. It took me years to even be able to admit to myself that I was sexually assaulted and I constantly blamed myself for not fighting back or screaming or doing… anything. It took me a long time to stop blaming myself for what happened. I was terrified to talk about what happened with anyone because everyone knew my boyfriend and adored him. I was afraid they wouldn’t believe me. Even years later I’m still scared to talk about what happened.