Every Daily Dose joke from the 2017-18 school year
April 25, 2018
For many, the joke at the end of each Daily Dose newsletter is their favorite part, so we’re told.
We have also heard from a few people that they wanted to see every Daily Dose joke all in one place.
Well, it’s your lucky day, because we have every Daily Dose joke form the 2017-18 school year right here:
(Maybe wait until you’re out of class or out of the office so you don’t literally LOL.)
Q: How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
A: Eclipse it.
Q: What kind of clothing does a house wear?
A: Address.
Q: What do you call bears with no ears?
A: B.
Q: How did the hipster burn his mouth?
A: He ate the pizza before it was cool.
Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: Because he was on the moooooooove.
Q: What happens when frogs park illegally?
A: They get toad.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.
Q: What does Batman get in his drinks?
A: Just ice.
Q: What was the baby computer’s first word?
A: Data.
Q: Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
A: Because all the fans had left.
Q: Why don’t computers race?
A: Because they keep crashing.
Q: What do Hawkeye and Iowa State football fans have in common?
A: Neither of them graduated from the University of Iowa.
Q: What’s the difference between a Hawkeye fan and a puppy?
A: Eventually the puppy will stop whining.
Q: What did the father buffalo say to his son when he went off to college?
A: Bye Son!
Q: What kind of clothes does a house wear?
A: An ad-dress.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she will let it go.
Q: What do you call a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do you call a pile of kittens?
A: A meowntain.
Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.
Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
A: Irrelephant.
Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
A: Too many cheetahs.
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
A: Thunderwear.
Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef Jerky.
Q: What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
A: Wasabi!
Q: What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
A: Give me my quarterback!
Q: What did Mario say when we broke up with Princess Peach?
A: It’s not you, it’s a-me, Mario!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.
Q: What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?
A: A loose Cannon.
Q: What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?
A: Instagram.
Q: What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A: A waist of time.
Q: Who invented the round table?
A: Sir Cumference.
Q: How does a suit put its child to bed?
A: It tux him in.
Q: Can I tell you a joke about paper?
A: Nah, nevermind, it’s tearable.
Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A pupsicle.
Q: What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
A: Attire.
Q: Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
A: Because he was a paleontologist.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton to go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to dance with.
Q: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
A: Monster-ella!
Q: What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room?
A: A spoo-key.
Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus.
Q: What did the tree say to Autumn?
A: Leaf me alone.
Q: What did one autumn leaf say to another?
A: I’m falling for you.
Q: Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
A: They don’t meet the koalafications!
Q: How to do you write a book about Halloween?
A: With a ghostwriter.
Q: Why did the golfer need an extra sock?
A: Because he got a hole in one.
Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
A: They needed a little team spirit.
Q: What do ghosts eat for supper?
A: Spooketti.
Q: What do skeletons order at restaurants?
A: Spare ribs!
Q: Why do skeletons have a low self esteem?
A: Because they have no body to love.
Q: What do you call a turkey with no feathers?
A: Thanksgiving dinner!
Q: What do you tell a vegetable after it graduates?
A: Corn-gratulations.
Q: What do you call a bear without teeth?
A: A gummy bear.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?
A: A poultrygeist!
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym?
A: To get better buns.
Q: What key won’t open any door?
A: A turkey!
Q: How do you keep Oklahoma State Cowboys out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why was the turkey arrested?
A: The police suspected fowl play.
Q: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler!
Q: What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
A: Wing! Wing!
Q: How do you mend a broken pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch!
Q: What do you call a running turkey?
A: Fast food.
Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A: Their age.
Q: Why did the bicycle fall over?
A: Because it was two-tired.
Q: Why was the snowman sad?
A: Because he had a meltdown!
Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
A: FO DRIZZLE.
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk.
Q: Why do coaches like punters?
A: Because they always put their first foot forward.
Q: How do you stay warm in an empty room?
A: Go stand in a corner — it’s always 90 degrees.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What do Santa’s elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.
Q: What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
A: Fish and ships!
Q: Why can’t basketball players go on vacation?
A: They’d get called for traveling.
Q: What’s the tallest building in Ames?
A: The library, because it has the most stories.
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missiletoe!
Q: How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden?
A: You hide the football, it drives them nuts!
Q: What lights up a football stadium?
A: A football match!
Q: Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?
A: Because there is no atmosphere!
Q: What animal is the best at playing football?
A: The score-pion!
Q: Where can you find the best nachos during the college football postseason?
A: The cheese bowl.
Q: Why do wide receivers like to be navigators on road trips?
A: They like planning their routes.
Q: Why did the football coach shake the vending machine?
A: Because he needed a quarter back!
Q: What do you call a monkey that wins a bowl game?
A: A chimpion!
Q: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?
A: Because it was always sweeping during class!
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!
Q: What did the alien tell the gardener?
A: Take us to your weeder.
Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
A: You look for fresh prints.
Q: Who always goes to bed with his shoes on?
A: A horse.
Q: Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?
A: To see a butterfly!
Q: How do snowmen get around?
A: On their icicles.
Q: What did Delaware?
A: Her New Jersey.
Q: Why did Lil Wayne go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling a Lil Weezy!
Q: What did one elevator say to another?
A: I believe I am coming down with something.
Q: Which coat is always wet when you put it on?
A: A coat of paint.
Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, it just waved!
Q: What did the rug say to the floor?
A: Don’t move, I’ve got you covered.
Q: Do you know 50 Cent’s half brother’s name?
A: 25 Cent.
Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date.
Q: What day does a fish hate?
A: Fry day.
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing!
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A: Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
Q: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
A: Because the “P” is silent!
Q: How do you make fruit punch?
A: Give it boxing lessons.
Q: What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart?
A: 7 tees, 30 eggs.
Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the room?
A: Odor in the room!
Q:What do you call a bicycle with a bed on top?
A: Bedridden!
Q: What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?
A: “Put it on my bill.”
Q: What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
A: Prime mates.
Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
A: They have the same middle name.
Q: What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re my butter half!
Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field!
Q: Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?
A: Because he was jumpy.
Q: What do bunnies like to play?
A: Hop scotch!
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: Because it was not peeling well.
Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?
A: In snow banks.
Q: What’s Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable?
A: Barackoli!
Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can’t tuna fish.
Q: What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent?
A: Show me the honey!
Q: Why can’t you run through a campground?
A: You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A: Because his parents were in a jam.
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?
A: They get their masters.
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them.
Q: What do you call a row of rabbits jumping backwards?
A: A receding hair line.
Q: If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?
A: A bagel!
Q: What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
A: Namaste.
Q: Where did the sheep go on vacation?
A: Baaaaahamas.
Q: What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead and I’ll hang around.
Q: Where does a boat go when it’s sick?
A: To the dock!
Q: Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?
A: It’s a cheap shot!
Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A: Sneakers.
Q: What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?
A: You’re cool!
Q: What is the best thing to put into a pie?
A: A fork!
Q: What has a lot of keys but can’t open any doors?
A: A piano!
Q: What kind of bagel can fly?
A: A plain bagel!
Q: Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
A: Because it lost its filling!
Q: Why do basketball players love cookies?
A: Because they can dunk them!
Q: What do you call a mischievous egg?
A: A practical yolker.
Q: What kind of cats like to go bowling?
A: The alley cats!
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.
Q: Why should you never buy anything with velcro?
A: It’s a total rip-off.
Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
A: 1forrest1.
Q: Why did the cat run away from the tree?
A: Because of its bark.
Q: What did the grape do when it was stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine.
Q: What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
A: A live stream.
Q: What did the cop say to their bellybutton?
A: “You’re under a vest!”
Q: What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A: Ba-na-na-na.
Q: Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
A: He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Q: Have you heard about the new broom?
A: It’s sweeping the nation!
Q: Why do bananas need sunscreen?
A: Because they peel.
Q: Want to hear a joke about paper?
A: Nevermind, it’s tearable.
Q: What did the horse say after it tripped?
A: Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Q: What is the loudest pet you can get?
A: A trumpet!
Q: What type of magazines do cows read?
A: Cattlelogs.
Q: What did the tree say to spring?
A: What a re-leaf!
Q: Where do you learn to make ice cream?
A: Sundae school.
Q: Why did the octopus beat a shark in a fight?
A: Because it was well armed!
Q: What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?
A: You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
Q: What state has the smallest beverages?
A: Minnesota.
Q: What do you call a mountain of kittens?
A: A meow-ntain.
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, “Twist to open.”
