All of us have experience with the friend zone, whether we have been banished to the friend zone or banished people. The friend zone, as defined by Urban Dictionary, is a “particularly aggravating metaphorical place, that people end up in when someone they are interested in only wants to be friends. It is impossible to get over someone while in the friend zone, because, as friends, you still see them too often for them to be erased from your memory, and yet, you cannot be with them the way you want.”

In social situations, people will talk about the friend zone as if it were a real place people were being sent to when someone they like doesn’t think of them the same way. This is because being thought of differently by the person you want to be with is difficult to wrap your mind around sometimes, especially without a real explanation.

One article mentions the friend zone can help you deal with rejection, lose your sense of entitlement and leave friendships the way they were before feelings were involved. I think all of this is true.

Being friends with someone who you may have feelings for helps you deal with and overcome rejection. This means it may be easier to deal with when the rejection is more serious and real, such as a job interview. Also, being shot down every once in a while helps people understand they aren’t as big of a deal as they thought they were, which can be a good thing, in my opinion. Lastly, friendships are things that need to be held on to. Having people who have the same interests as you and have your back if you were to fall seems more precious than romantic relationships.

Some people have made a list of ways you can avoid being put in the friend zone. They say all you need to do is be more attractive and bold, play hard to get and find the right person. I could see some of these things being useful if you were really into this person and weren’t sure how to show them you want to be with them.

But going after people by playing hard to get and being extra bold isn’t a sure-fire way to avoid the friend zone, it could even make you less desirable to the person you’re after. These ways may be able to help, but it really is up to the other person. If they want to be with you, they would let you know. But if they put you in the friend zone, making yourself more attractive probably won’t help.

In the end, if you find someone you would like to pursue, talk to them. If you end up being put in the friend zone, turn a person you thought of romantically into someone who could be one of your best friends. The friend zone doesn’t have to be as bad as people say it is.