Editor’s note: This is a satirical opinion piece. The quotes from Wendy Wintersteen are completely fictional, as is the situation this story is based upon.

President Wendy Wintersteen of Iowa State University is in a small panic after realizing her salary expires every spring semester, along with students’ Dining Dollars.

While recently rereading her contract of employment as President of Iowa State University, Wintersteen noticed a small clause she had overlooked. The clause, entitled “Employee Income Expirations,” is virtually the exact same as the Dining Dollars Expirations policy on ISU Dining’s website, but instead of Dining Dollars it references Wintersteen’s pay. Here is the clause, in its entirety:

“Employee Income Expirations:

At the end of summer, unused income rolls over for use during fall.

At the end of fall, unused income rolls over for use during spring.

At the end of the spring semester, on the Monday following commencement, all unused income expires. You are encouraged to use your income as unused income will not be reduced or refunded.”

After noticing this clause at the start of April, Wintersteen said she has been doing her best to get the most out of her income before it expires.

“I had a decent amount of money held away in an emergency fund and for retirement, but now I am splurging those funds on anything and everything to make sure I get to use it,” said Wintersteen.

Wintersteen has purchased some things she has always wanted, such as her own Cy mascot outfit and a neon drum set. She seriously considered purchasing her own personal airplane but decided against it, simply saying “too soon.”

Sophomore Iowa State student Angelica Riordan said she can relate to Wintersteen’s realization. “We’ve all been there! I realized I had $150 Dining Dollars three days before they expired my freshman year.” Riordan successfully spent all $150 on dozens of Pop-Tarts and 2-liters of Mountain Dew.

Reflecting on the realization, Wintersteen says she is at peace. “I am honored that every year of my time as President, I will get to have the true Iowa State experience: desperately spending my funds in the final weeks before they expire. I can’t think of a better way to relate to students!”