This is (in order to avoid a copyright claim) the second full week of March, and that can only mean one thing: It’s Tourney time, even if Iowa State isn’t included this year.

Since the Cyclones are taking a year off, though, let’s have some fun with the rest of the field.

The NCAA Tournament is, of course, the most wonderful time of the year. There is pageantry, wonderful drama and a deserving champion cutting down the nets. 

But some people are tired of every single final four having Duke, North Carolina, or Kentucky (the last time all three teams missed the Final Four was in 2013). 

So why not have some fun with the tournament seeding and crown a more deserving champion?

Let’s re-seed each region of the bracket, using the best criteria possible: Quality of team name.

(For reference, here is the real bracket that the NCAA released yesterday.) 

SOUTH REGION (ranked in descending order)

1. UMBC Retrievers: The Retrievers are very good dogs, and that puts them over the top as the one seed here. Not necessarily the favorites, but a great name nonetheless.

2. Loyola-Chicago Ramblers: Ramblers! The name dates back to the Loyola football team in the 1920s. It’s also a really cool sounding name and the logo is a wolf! Not as cute as a Retriever, but the Ramblers are a title contender.

3. Wright State Raiders: Keeping with the canine theme, the Horizon League champions have a wolf for their logo as well. The name, however, is an apparent homage to the Oakland Raiders. 

4. Cincinnati Bearcats: The name originates from a 1914 cartoon that followed a Cincinnati football game, and it’s stuck ever since. Big points for creativity and for giving the Red Panda as an example for what a bearcat might be in real life.

5. Creighton Bluejays: Now, some might say “Oh, it’s just a bird!” but bluejays are certifiably cool and that’s a damn good bird to have as a mascot. Besides, not a ton of great mascot options for a private college in Omaha, Nebraska.

6. Nevada Wolf Pack: The first of two Wolfpack/Wolf Pack teams in the tournament. It doesn’t hurt that the backstory for the name is pretty neat (although ‘Sagebrushers’ or ‘Sage Warriors’ would have been a No. 1 seed). 

7. Texas Longhorns: Not a fan of the teams, but I do love the name. It’s regional, unique, and Bevo rocks. 

8. Tennessee Volunteers: I love a good historical name, and The Vols are just that, named after the State’s nickname as “The Volunteer State.” The state’s nickname originated from soldiers who fought in The Battle Of New Orleans under General Andrew Jackson. My family sings this next song at Christmas every year.

9. Miami (FL) Hurricanes: Simply named after the deadly storms that have ravaged Florida many times over the decades, it’s still a regionally relevant nickname. Ibis, the duck mascot, is not one to mess with.

10. Virginia Cavaliers: The Cavaliers were “royalist supporters” during the Civil War, which is bad. The historical nature of the name keeps it above some of the others in this region, though.

11. Georgia State Panthers: It’s a decently cool name, and the blue and red color scheme works.

12, 13, 14 and 15. Kansas State, Arizona, Davidson, and Kentucky Wildcats: REAL ORIGINAL, YOU GUYS. Seriously? FOUR teams with the same nickname in one region? Yikes. As unoriginal and predictable as these teams are, it’s not as bad as….

16. Buffalo Bulls: Y’all changed ONE letter from the pro team in the same city. That’s just not good enough. Trounced by UMBC.

WEST REGION 

1. South Dakota State Jackrabbits: Regional, cool and unique. The Jackrabbits name ticks all of the right boxes. The name also has another great origin story.

2. Providence Friars: It’s such a cool name. Despite the unnerving creepiness of the in-person mascot, the name is cool for the Catholic university and there’s not another Division I school that shares the name. 

3. Montana Grizzlies: Another school with a regionally relevant nickname, and a pretty unique one as well. Plus, bears are awesome, even if they are extremely deadly. 

4. Michigan Wolverines: You might be surprised to find a blue-blood program so high on this list, but the Wolverines have a good thing going. Plus, it reminds me of the first ever SNL sketch. 

5. North Carolina Tar Heels: The name comes from a term used to describe residents of North Carolina, and it’s one of the most unique in the country. Also, their mascot is a ram, which adds to their case even if it isn’t related. 

6. Xavier Musketeers: This region of the bracket is a little thin on quality names, but the Musketeers still have a strong case. It reminds me of the movie The Man In The Iron Mask. 

7. Lipscomb Bisons: In such a thin bracket, even names that aren’t top notch are going to make the top half. Bisons is a cool name (and they’re a lovely animal), but the story behind the name is what makes it.

8. Ohio State Buckeyes: It’s pretty straightforward here. The Buckeye is Ohio’s official State Tree, and the nickname of the state as well. Not hard to see why the school chose that name. The dessert is better, though.

9 and 10: Florida State Seminoles and San Diego State Aztecs: Two mascots that, depending on how you see it personally, either honor or disrespect the heritage of Native American groups that have history in their respective regions. 

11. Gonzaga Bulldogs: Not a very unique name (14 Division I programs use the name), but I am still on the PUPPIES bandwagon and Gonzaga has a cool “sub-nickname” in the Zags. 

12. Houston Cougars: Again, not a super unique one, but there actually are a lot of cougars in the state of Texas. 

13. UNC-Greensboro Spartans: An unremarkable nickname used by five Division I programs, the name is kind of stale. Their navy and gold color scheme works well, though. 

14 and 15. Texas Southern and Missouri Tigers: There are 13 schools that use the Tiger as their nickname/mascot. Not creative enough or unique enough to be a high seed. BOOOOO.

16. Texas A&M Aggies: The generic nickname for any Agricultural school. It bores me to tears. First-round exit.

MIDWEST REGION

1. TCU Horned Frogs: I mean, come on. It’s a frog that shoots blood out of its eyes! Nothing more needs to be said. 

2 and 3. Iona Gaels and Penn Quakers: Both very unique names, and both tied to religions with a big impact on their respective regions. They’re both cool, but the Gaels get the edge because Iona is close to Iowa. 

4. Oklahoma Sooners: Despite the fact that they only seem to have one song (don’t worry, I won’t put a link in here), the name itself is historically on-the-money and ‘Sooners” just has a nice ring to it.

5. North Carolina State Wolfpack: More wolves, but this time in only one word! 

6 and 7. Arizona State Sun Devils and Duke Blue Devils: Honestly, these names are really cool, no matter how much I hate Duke or the idea of Herm Edwards running a college football program.

8. Seton Hall Pirates: Aargh!

No but really, this is a cool name and probably the best a school from New Jersey could come up with. Bonus points for the blue-and-silver/white color scheme. 

9. Bucknell Bison: Ok, the name is cool and all, but why an orange-and-blue color scheme? Are there even any bison in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania? I doubt that.

10. Rhode Island Rams: I LOVE the baby blue/navy color scheme. How many rams are in Rhode Island, though? (To be fair, it is a nod to the state’s agricultural heritage, but whatever.)

11. College of Charleston Cougars: The willingness to stick to alliteration is what puts them here. The name itself? Eh.

12. Michigan State Spartans: Again, a boring nickname except for those who love the movie “300”. Not as good as The Team Up North.

13. Kansas Jayhawks: It’s better than this one, though. My personal hatred for Kansas doesn’t help them, but really? A fictional bird that isn’t even a phoenix is the best you’ve got? (The historical aspect of the name is way cooler than the name itself.)

14 and 15. Clemson and Auburn Tigers: *Shakes head*.

16. New Mexico State Aggies: Surprise, surprise, another Agricultural school with the Aggies name. I’m stunned. 

EAST REGION

1. Marshall Thundering Herd: WE ARE, folks. This is one of the best team nicknames of all time. I can’t even begin to describe how much I love this name. Everything about it is perfect.

2. Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks: Another grade-A nickname. Paul Bunyan would be proud of this group from Nacogdoches, Texas.  

3. Murray State Racers: Get it, because Kentucky likes horse racing? Also, the obvious Steve Prohm connection is interesting.

4. Radford Highlanders: Scottish heritage and cool-sounding name? Sure! Plus, the Highlander mascot is as goofy as you’d expect.

5. Arkansas Razorbacks: WOOO, PIG SOOIE! Nothing wrong with naming your athletics team after gigantic hogs. 

6. St. Bonaventure Bonnies: It’s basically just shortening up the name of Saint Bonaventure, but it sounds cool so it works. Who else is gonna have that nickname?

7. Wichita State Shockers: Shocks of wheat! Kansas is full of wheat! It makes perfect sense. 

8. Virginia Tech Hokies: Not a turkey (it means “loyal Virginia Tech fans”), but there’s nothing hokey about this nickname! 

9. Florida Gators: This is by far the best region, and the fact that the Gators are at nine is proof of that. The ‘Gator Chomp’ gets annoying, though. 

10. Purdue Boilermakers: The name comes from an 1891 newspaper article, and it lends itself to some pretty cool logos, even though they tend to stick with the boring ‘P’. Trains are never a bad thing. 

11. West Virginia Mountaineers: The state is very closely tied to the Appalachia region, and the nickname reflects that. In another region, they would have been a lot better off. 

12. Alabama Crimson Tide: Seriously, this is like the “Thunderdome” of good team names. The name comes from the stained red mud that Alabama played on in a 1907 game against Auburn. The issue is, what does an elephant have to do with a ‘Crimson Tide’?

*Big drop-off*

13. Texas Tech Red Raiders: Raiders, but red. Creative!

14. Villanova Wildcats: Let’s just think of some new nicknames, everybody. This just doesn’t cut it anymore. This is the cookie cutter team nickname. 

15. Butler Bulldogs. See the No. 14 seed.

16. Syracuse Orange: Let’s all name our athletics teams after fruits!

THE REAL, UNDISPUTED NATIONAL CHAMPION: Marshall Thundering Herd