As college students, we all may know someone who is in a relationship just because they can’t stand being single. We also may know someone who is dying to be in a relationship, but only goes on dates with people who are highly unlikely to commit. So let’s get real about healthy relationships on this day of the year meant to celebrate significant others. 

Here are five things we think you should know about healthy relationships in today’s day and age: 

1. Relationships take work

Valentine’s Day can often be known as “Singles Awareness Day.” But it’s important to remember that just having a significant other on Valentine’s Day does not equate to a healthy, happy relationship. Furthermore, relationships are not just about giving each other material gifts. Relationships take compromise, commitment and care. 

2. To find happiness in a relationship, you have to be happy with yourself

How could anyone make you happy if you don’t make yourself happy? If you are someone who wants to be in a relationship, but can’t seem to make it work, you might want to look at eight of the major roadblocks psychologist Suzanne Lachmann sees with patients facing similar issues. For example, she says “we tend to choose mates who we think are very near how we think about ourselves.”

3. Online dating can work, but be careful

About 15 percent of American adults have used online or mobile dating sites, according to a 2015 survey from Pew Research Center. And that number has almost surely gone up since the survey. Additionally, the survey found 29 percent of people know someone who has been in a long-term relationship that started from online dating.

But just like in dating that starts from face-to-face communication, make sure you’re on the same page with the other person about your intentions and realize that someone may be different online than they are in person. 

4. Your significant other should empower you, not bring you down

Your significant other should be someone who understands your dreams and hopes in life. Likewise, you should understand a significant other’s dreams and hopes. 

“In multiple studies, couples that actively celebrated good news (rather than actively or passively dismissed it) have had a higher rate of relationship well-being,” Business Insider reports. 

5. Healthy relationships are not about control

Healthy relationships never involve one partner having more control in a relationship. Rather, each partner should feel equal to the other. There is a fine line between healthy communication and controlling communication. Everything from physical abuse, to controlling a partner’s access to money or telling them they cannot spend time with certain people is considered abusive and is not part of a healthy relationship.

For information about what constitutes abuse, visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s website. The National Domestic Violence Hotline also offers suggestions for how to have a healthy disagreement with a significant other, such as using “I feel” statements instead of “you” statements that place blame on the other person. 

More information: 

Iowa State’s office of Student Wellness has an entire webpage devoted to healthy relationships. Iowa State’s Student Counseling Service would also be another good resource should you want to talk more specifically about issues you may be facing in finding a relationship or in a current relationship.