Editor’s note: This is a satirical opinion piece. The names of people mentioned and their quotes are completely fictional. The situation this story is based on is also fictional. 

In an effort to help their new millennial employees succeed, numerous corporations including Google and Amazon have announced they are going to be listing their standard operating procedures on Quizlet.

These companies first noticed something was wrong when, just after their first day on the job, their newly-hired millennials already forgot everything.

Mia Jorgensen, who has trained new hires at Microsoft for nearly 13 years said “It was like they weren’t even listening. I’m starting to think that they weren’t actually taking notes on their computer.”

One in 3 college students use Quizlet, an online study tool that helps students keep track of key terms and class material. The vast amount of content created by individual students is then available to be accessed by the entirety of the internet for free.

Studies of recent college graduates have shown they have little to no experience with genuinely retaining information. Instead, they are more successful when the information they need is easily reachable on Quizlet by copying and pasting the instructions word-for-word into a Google search.

Because there is no cost and Quizlet is easily accessible, criticism originally rose about Quizlet potentially being a platform students use to cheat. Many thought it likely students would simply post test and quiz answers word-for-word on the site for future students.

At least one professor had a situation where a student uploaded over 250 test questions to Quizlet for other students to access. Regarding these problems, Quizlet has a statement on academic integrity, which includes a self-regulating honor code which says, “It’s simple: don’t cheat.”

Wyatt Jensen, father of a Brown University student said, “It is great to see platforms like Quizlet that truly value the worth of our children’s education. I know our kids will resist the temptation to cheat even though they’ll save time, get a 100 percent and likely never get caught in a million years. That’s the power a nice honor code has.”

At the time of this report, rumors have circulated that Amazon, Google and Microsoft have agreed to abide by a similar honor code, pinkie promising not to look at other companies’ trade secrets and operating procedures now that they are posted freely online.

Jorgensen said, “We are truly excited for the future with these new graduates. They bring so much fresh, updated knowledge to the company, including many very fast keyboard shortcuts for copying and pasting effectively. Their highly expensive college education has truly put them a step above the rest!”