The other day, I was watching “American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson” on campus. In a wild moment of empathy, I became emotional watching the character Marcia Clark get continually berated by the media on the show. Regardless of the details of the situation, I was on campus and I needed to cry. 

Because Iowa State is the largest collegiate institution in the state, it was hard to find a private place to let my emotions overflow. Since then, I have done adequate research and have curated this list of the most efficient places to cry on the campus of Iowa State. 

The first option that I found to provide adequate privacy for a quick weep was in the practice rooms in Music Hall. Located in the lower level of the building south of Carver Hall are over a dozen small, unlocked rooms. At least half of them are usually occupied by music students who make enough sound to fill the hallway. I am positive that your wailing — no matter how loud — will be drowned out by this music. Bonus: most rooms have pianos in case you want to play and belt Celine Dion through your tears.

Another great option is the upper floor bathroom in LeBaron Hall. Somewhat isolated, this bathroom provides your basic restroom amenities, with one magnificent difference. Instead of just the stall door locking, the main bathroom door locks as well. That’s right. A whole bathroom to yourself to let your eyes rain freely. (This is the only bathroom with this feature that I have found on campus).

When the weather is nice, a prime location to cry is Jack Trice Stadium. During the football season, most patrons at this location are generally sad anyways. Your sorrows will fit right among the thousands of disappointed fans!

If you’re brave, check out one of the haunted dorm rooms in Friley for a nice weep. Folks generally avoid haunted rooms due to the fear of demons and eternal damnation, so you should have the place to yourself. This location is perfect if you are a loud weeper. If students hear you, they will simply think it’s a ghost and potentially get farther away from you. It’s a win-win.

One of the largest crying locations would be any of the library tiers. Generally quiet, the best kind of crying to do here is the silent, soft cry. Similar to a high school football player on his last game who can’t let the bros know that he ever feels emotions. I have a catchy slogan to remember this spot: “When you feel the tears, head for the tiers.”

And last, a recent addition to the best places to cry would be the president’s house, the Knoll. Didn’t you hear? It’s empty now.

My prayer is that these locations treat you well the next time Cyclone Power just isn’t strong enough to hold back your tears.