A sexual assault survivor hopes to give future victims the resources that would have aided her by working with Iowa legislators to pass a bill.  

Elizabeth Huebsch, a therapist from West Des Moines, wanted to file a civil protective order against the man who abused her when he wouldn’t leave her alone.

The order was unobtainable because, in the state of Iowa, there must be an arrest of the defendant for sexual abuse before one can file the no-contact order.

The fact that she wasn’t in a relationship with the abuser also barred her from filing a civil protective order.

The restrictions were meant to keep people from filing the orders without grounds. In Huebsch’s situation, this kept her from feeling safe. 

“Rape is considered like, I think of a man with a mask [hiding] down an alley,” Huebsch said. “A lot of the time people know the perpetrator.” 

For Huebsch, the perpetrator was someone she knew and trusted. 

The identity of the man who abused her will not be disclosed at this time. She received a cease-and-desist order from the assaulter warning her not to speak out about the abuse.

Huebsch was going through a rough period in her life when she met the man who assaulted her. He led a spiritually-based support group that she started attending.

The man eventually used the spiritual language to shield himself from any blame, Huebsch said. He would defend his behavior, saying, “Why are you in such denial? Why can’t you see that I’m just an innocent child of God?”

Huebsch found that all of the issues in her life resolved after going to the group regularly. She attributed this to him at the time because he had helped her.

The man is significantly older than Huebsch and is married and regularly works with vulnerable people who seek guidance. Huebsch said these facts made her feel safe around him.

The rest of her relationship with him involved emotional and sexual abuse. She said he started out by putting her on a pedestal before tearing her down and exploiting her insecurities.

She didn’t recognize it as abuse until professionals pointed it out. She began to educate herself on sexual abuse. 

Huebsch said she would read books, and the man who assaulted her would fit the descriptions of abusers and manipulators.

After receiving the cease-and-desist order, she decided to speak with professionals which eventually led her to seek help from authorities, but felt that the detective didn’t believe her from the start.

She said the detective asked victim-blaming questions such as why did she allow this to happen and why didn’t she stop it sooner. 

“By then, I’m so checked out that I’m so traumatized by that experience that I don’t think I’ll ever even file a police report,” Huebsch said. 

The detective did not want to see the emails and text messages that Huebsch has saved as proof. 

At first, once the man knew she was speaking with police, he started to leave her alone. Once he realized that she wasn’t going to press charges, he started to show up again. 

He had been showing up in her life before the cease-and-desist order. They’d be at an event, and despite there being empty seats at numerous different tables, he would sit next to her.

She said his reasoning was that he wanted to talk with the other people at the table. 

“Basically, he’s that calm, collected person that is just like, ‘Oh, I didn’t know that she was upset with me,’” Huebsch said. “I had asked him to leave me alone multiple times, and one time he shows up to my work and puts a card in my mailbox.”

Another time, he was outside of her office door, which caused her to scream. She said he responded jokingly, “What? Did you think I was Casper the Ghost?”

Huebsch initially didn’t disclose his identity to her friends because of threats from him. When she felt like her life was at risk, she would leave a note at her house, saying that if she disappeared, he was to blame.

Once she revealed who the offender was, her friends and colleagues who also were acquainted with him suddenly withdrew their support.  

Many suggested that she sit down with the abuser and a third party to talk it through. She explained to them that it triggered her to see him, which was put down with “those are just your thoughts.” 

Others didn’t understand why she needed to label the abuser. She said it is important to use specific terms.

“You have to call it for what it is,” Huebsch said. “I mean, I didn’t have the language to explain or describe what was going on. I just felt like I was going crazy at the time.”

She eventually met with three legislators who she said had a clear understanding of dealing with sexual assault cases and were very supportive. 

One of the legislators working on the bill is Sen. Janet Petersen, D-Des Moines. 

“While civil protective orders do not guarantee a person’s safety, victims of sexual assault should have access to protective orders,” Petersen said. 

She explained that the bill could help victims who are co-workers of the perpetrator or victims who do not want to file a lawsuit but want the protection. 

Huebsch also has been working with an Iowa civil rights attorney, Roxanne Conlin. Though she is not taking her case to court, Conlin has offered her expertise from dealing with sexual assault cases through out her career. 

“Predators can be your neighbor, your pastor, your doctor or a stranger. The one thing they have in common is their narcissistic personality and failure to have empathy for their victims. In fact, it is not unusual for the predator to paint himself as the victim,” said Conlin. 

Conlin believes that Huebsch would have benefitted from a civil protective order. She said that despite the system improving over time, there is still a lot of misunderstanding and prejudice towards victims. 

She also explained why many victims don’t take their cases to criminal court. 

“It is just too frightening,” Conlin said. “The victim is only a witness and the prosecutor is in charge.”

Rosenna Bakari, the executive director of Talking Trees Inc., an organization that supports adult survivors of sexual abuse, also offered input on Huebsch’s case. She was one of the first professionals that Huebsch came in contact with when speaking out about the assault.    

“A protective order would have made [Huebsch] feel believed and supported by the legal system, as well as made her feel safe,” Bakari said. “If there was a protective order, she would have not had to beg for support that was never granted in her environment.”

Subcommittee meetings on the bill will take place Monday for the Senate and Tuesday for the House of Representatives. The meetings will determine whether the bill moves forward.