Come on, Monday!

When Monday rolls around, millions of forgetful people (who were likely goldfish in their previous life)  across the United States seem to be surprised by this fact. However, this should not come as a shock because the days of the week are the same every week. There has never been an alteration to the days of the week. It’s always the same: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, Friday, Sunday. Oh, wait! 

Small talk and Monday bashing seem to be the trademark of adult life.  I work in an office setting, and I hear a lot of Monday-bashing and small talk. Every Monday, when I arrive at my place of work, the receptionist asks me, “How are you?” Regardless of how I am actually doing, I say, “I’m doing pretty well. How are you?” She usually grimaces and replies with, “It’s a Monday.” To someone who is not familiar with American small talk culture, this would appear to be avoiding the question. But it appears that Monday has actually become a state of being. “How are you?” “I am Monday.” “That was me yesterday, but today I am tectonic plate.” 

“The measure of a civilization is how it treats its weakest members.” Economic and social inequality is a hot topic these days, but there’s another type of inequality that rarely gets coverage: Monday inequality. Monday is the day of the moon , but somehow the poor moon was stuck with the first working day of the week. Right , like the moon is somehow responsible for your lack of sleep? I say that we shift some of the blame onto Wednesdays. Wednesdays are the farthest from the weekend (forwards and backwards in time) , and Wendesday is also very difficult to spell.

Here I am, complaining about those whom complain about Mondays.  I’ve decided to help you out , so I’m providing you with some excellent examples of other, very important things you can complain about in your spare time, should you find some availability in your schedule. For example, you could complain about how all tables have the same form. I’ve never seen a three-legged table, and I think there could be a market for that. People come in all different shapes and sizes, but I’ve recently noticed that tables do not. Another thing you could complain about are ‘AM’ and ‘PM.’ It doesn’t have much significance to most people, because those are not my initials.  People should have the right to have their initials replace ‘AM’ and ‘PM.’ Also, you could complain about ‘AM’ and ‘FM’ radio. Why not replace all abbreviations with your initials?  Finally, another thing you can complain about is this John Lennon quote where he is clearly lying, “When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” 

To sum up, Mondays are not an emotion, there are many other things we can complain about, and please be kinder to Monday next time you are graced with his/her presence. Now, I want to provide you with an astounding statistic. Approximately 14.28%  of your life will take place during a Monday, but it also depends on what day of the week you were born. Do you want to spend 14.28% of your life hating the day? 

Highlight: http://www.crowl.org/lawrence/time/days.html