Editor’s note: This story is the beginning of a series on sexual assault that will focus on issues related to Iowa State’s sexual assault climate survey released in September. 

It’s as simple as asking someone if they would like a cup of tea.

If they say no, then you don’t pursue it, you don’t coerce them into drinking the tea. If they say yes, then you give them the tea.

They consented to the activity. They are not obligated to finish the tea, and they do not have to drink the tea if they change their mind. 

This is the example that Blue Seat Studios posted on YouTube to define consent. It explained that consent is as simple as tea, and that if people can understand when someone does or does not want tea, then they should also be able to understand when someone does or does not want to participate in sexual activities.

Blue Seat Studios ended the video with the statement, “Consent is everything.” The video, which aims to simplify and educate others on sexual assault and consent, walks the viewer through different scenarios in which consent must always be understood.

Lori Allen, campus prevention and outreach advocate for Assault Care Center Extending Shelter and Support, gave her own definition of consent.

“In my definition, consent would be a clear, verbal and continued affirmation or ‘yes’ to the activity that’s taking place right then and now,” Allen said.

That definition appears to be hard to understand for Iowa State.

A recent campus climate survey revealed that almost 20 percent of ISU female undergraduates have experienced a form of sexual misconduct.

This statistic falls in line with the national statistic that 1 in 5 women on college campuses have been sexually assaulted.

At Iowa State, 9.7 percent of all students have experienced a form of sexual assault.

Sexual misconduct can range from unwanted sexual touching, forcing a victim to perform sexual acts, such as oral sex, penetrating the perpetrator’s body or an attempted or completed rape.

Less than 5 percent of completed or attempted rapes against college women were reported to law enforcement, according to a national statistic.

“I think that the media’s portrayal of campus life and of women, that there is what we call a ‘rape myth culture’ where even though women say no, they really mean yes, or all women sort of fantasize about sort of being violated or taken, and that to them it’s a sexy fantasy. Or that men need sex or at a certain point they can’t stop from the act they’re engaging in,” Allen said. “Those things, I think, all get in the way of consent.”

This ‘culture’ becomes promoted through media, such as television commercials, movies and other mainstream tactics. Allen cited a Domino’s Pizza advertisement from 2012 that featured the phrase, “No is The New Yes.”

“When we see this thing day in and day out, without even consciously thinking about it, we’re a bit like a sponge and we soak up that information,” Allen said. “And so, if we’re a little impaired in our judgment or if we’re maybe trying to justify an impulse or an action, we’re going to say, ‘well, she was dressed like she wanted to have sex’ or ‘he was acting like he was wanting to have sex.'” 

Allen said consent must always be understood between two partners no matter how long they have been with each other, what they’ve done before or what they are doing.

“So, I think that can be confusing that consent is only for this time and this space and even though you may have been together for years and years, you still understand how you’re giving consent to one another,” Allen said.

Consent that is blurred through alcohol consumption or assumption creates a greater push for education about consent.

YouTube star Laci Green, a sex-education activist, covered consent in her video, “WANNA HAVE SEX CONSENT 101.”

Green discussed how ‘hot’ and mandatory consent is. She discussed sexual coercion, “the act of using pressure, alcohol, drugs or force to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will,” and its role in sexual assault and consent.

Green further educated her viewers on how to ask for consent without making the situation weird or awkward. Some examples include, “Are you enjoying yourself?” “How does that feel?” and “You look uncomfortable, are you OK?”

Green defined consent as “basically just checking in” — paying attention to someone’s body language, how they are doing and keeping the communication open.

Green then offered viewers a look into what coercion sounded like. She said phrases such as, “Come on, I thought you liked me,” or “Just do it for me.”

Green also provided three situations in which consent can never happen, even with a verbal yes. These situations included when someone is drunk, when they are underage and when someone holds authority over another.

Allen referred to this authority as a contextual concept of privilege.

“In society, and also on college campuses, there are certain areas of privilege where people are more able to get away with behaviors like rape and sexual assault,” Allen said. “Those areas tend to be people who have power and control.” 

To summarize, consent is something that must always be asked for and always be given to prevent sexual assault and misconduct.

A website about dating, sex and fostering heathy relationships called loveisrespect.org offered a review into what consent means and the boundaries that must be set between partners.

The website established that:

• Consent is not a “given.”

• Consent is not a free pass.

• Consent can be taken back at any time.

• It’s not consent if you’re afraid to say no.

• In a healthy relationship, giving and receiving consent is an ongoing process.

• Be clear and direct with your partner if you don’t want to do something.

“I just think everyone is better served with consent,” Allen said. “It makes the experience something that both parties get to fully take part in and enjoy in the way that they want to. It has the potential to then create connections, or maybe relationships that will just be healthier and more holistic.”

Courtney Clippert-Treadwell, outreach coordinator for Student Counseling Services, outlined resources available to ISU students.

“At Student Counseling Services, we provide free and confidential services to our students,” Clippert-Treadwell said. “If someone has been sexually assaulted, and aren’t already a client here, we have walk-in hours from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

The center also has crisis services available Monday through Friday 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. 

“An on-call counselor will meet with the student that day and will help them get connected with the best resource for their struggles,” Clippert-Treadwell said.

She said Student Counseling Services offers short-term individual or group therapy depending on what is the best fit for each individual it helps. It also helps students get in touch with long-term therapists and offers trauma recovery groups.

If sexual assault survivors need assistance out of regular hours, they can call ACCESS’ sexual assault hotline at 1-800-203-3488 or 911.