Democratic Party campaign rallies always remind me of the Playboy USO show in “Apocalypse Now.” As enjoyable as that truly is, I wish this festival of lies was already over.

The primaries haven’t even begun and I’m already exhausted by the 2016 election. 2016 seems to be the sum of all our fears — Clinton and Bush. How has it come to this? We now live in the world of firsts. The first black president, the first woman president and possibly the first Hispanic president. People who opposed Barack Obama and his revolutionary agenda were labeled racists. Now, those who oppose Hillary Clinton will be deemed sexists. The word “sexist” is just a smear meant to shut down any actual debate on Clinton’s record.

There are real reasons why Clinton is hated by millions. It’s difficult to know how to begin the long catalogue of her abuses, but I shall begin with her time as Secretary of State. Secretary Clinton presided over the unspeakable unconstitutional horror called the “Libyan intervention.” Clinton was intimately involved in the overthrow of the Libyan government and its replacement by psychopathic terrorists. Clinton left Libya in such a state that the Libyan parliament had to meet on a Greek car ferry in the Mediterranean because their own country was too dangerous for them.

Of course the greatest tragedy of the Libyan debacle was the massacre of the American garrison in Benghazi. I advise everyone to read “13 Hours: The inside Account of What Really Happened in Benghazi.” Anyone who reads this emotional narrative of the besieged Americans will never forgive the government’s mismanagement of the situation from start to finish.

Why wasn’t the American consulate given the proper security it needed? Who ordered the security team at the CIA annex to stand down? Why wasn’t support sent immediately? Why did Clinton blame the attack on “spontaneous demonstrations” over a YouTube video when the government knew the night of the massacre that it was an organized terrorist assault? Clinton should have resigned over this, and she can never apologize enough for it or be ashamed enough of it.

Clinton’s latest scandal was her use of a private email account for her State Department proceedings. The use of a private server is not only against State Department policy, but almost certainly guarantees her account was hacked and spied upon by foreign governments. How could we let someone so flippant with our national security be president of the United States?

Which Democrat will oppose Clinton? “Elizabeth Warren!” they cry. Warren is really a dreadful candidate. She claimed to be a Native American, which turned out to be a lie. Warren lied in order to selfishly help herself. Seems quite racist to me — a white woman taking advantage of the disadvantaged. Also, how could Warren raise the money to compete with Clinton? Warren has an empty war chest compared to the Clinton’s party machine.

Do the Republicans have anything to offer us in our hour of need? Where is our Alfred? Our Horatius? Our Joan of Arc? Who is the Republican champion sent forth in battle set, buried in the smoke, standing tall, worthy of the American people? Out waddles Jeb Bush.

Like a herd of elephants, the Republicans come charging over the horizon and fall chaotically into a pit. Ted Cruz is my man but it’s unlikely he’ll win. The only real contenders among the GOP are Jeb Bush, Scott Walker and Marco Rubio.

War-gaming the election is quite easy. Of the top three Republicans, Jeb Bush has the most money and the grotesque party machine of his family. Marco Rubio has the charm, looks, personality and brains that make a good candidate. Scott Walker has the honorable title of “Union Killer” but I’m not sure how far that will carry him.

Republicans are attempting to match the woman card by running Marco Rubio, but it won’t work the same. Fox News won’t be calling people racists because they oppose Rubio, and even if they did, no one on the left would care. Many in the establishment want Rubio because he’s a liberal Republican and Hispanic, and theoretically will gain the Hispanic vote. I doubt this will work in practice.

The largest Irish sports betting organization, “Paddy Power,” takes bets on United States political elections. This is by no means scientific, but here are the Republican nomination odds. Jeb Bush is running at 2 to 1, while Marco Rubio is running at 9 to 2. Judging from Irish sports bets, it would seem Jeb Bush is a shoe in.

Voting is not a duty! If we don’t vote, they might go away. If the election comes down to Bush or Clinton, I can promise there is at least one ISU student who will not be voting.