It was during warm-ups before our first game that I realized I was out of my element. While my teammates were throwing down dunks and sinking 3-pointers, I took a feeble layup shot and called it good. If I tried anything too ambitious, everyone might realize the truth behind my basketball skills, or lack thereof.

I agreed to join my friends on an intramural team because they needed an extra player. I found myself on a squad that could have been in Division A but opted to play at the top of Division B because they didn’t want to get overly competitive. My teammates were quite talented — most had played varsity basketball on 4A teams in high school. Then there was me, a junior-varsity baller who stepped away from the game early due to a lack of talent and overall coordination.

Now, should I have swallowed my pride and admitted to my friends that I couldn’t ball? Probably. Did I? Of course not! I was going to live up to all of my untapped middle school potential and make everyone in that gym think that I could actually play basketball. I think I did a pretty decent job of it too, if I must say so myself. In fact, I even created a guide for anyone who finds him or herself in a similar circumstance. Here are my tips for making your intramural team think you’re good at basketball:

My first recommendation is that you should be tall, at least over 6 feet. I’m 6-foot-3-inches, so everyone just assumes that I play basketball, as if being born with height also means you’re born with an inherent desire to put a leather ball through a hoop. Make sure to showcase your height by jumping up and grabbing the rim during warm ups. You don’t need to try and dunk a ball though since that takes legitimate talent.

I also suggest that you wear a pair of retro Air Jordans while playing. Many NBA and NCAA players wear throwback sneakers during games to showcase their collection and to pay homage to the greats who came before them. People are going to assume you’re wearing them because balling is a huge part of your life and not because you didn’t feel like buying a new pair of Hyperdunks.

During the game, I recommend focusing more on your defensive play, as if Aaron Craft is your spirit animal. In intramural basketball, nobody wants to play defense. They’d rather be scoring on offense. This provides an easy opportunity to outshine everyone else in one aspect of the game, which can help disguise the rest of your terrible play. Go out there and lock down opponents like you’re Tony Allen on MDMA. Some might find it obnoxious, but you can pretend you’re just being a team player.

When it comes to offense, you’re going to want to avoid all opportunities to get the ball. It’s easy to tell that someone is unskilled when they dribble the ball off of their foot. I suggest standing in the far corner acting like you’re posted up for a shot, or setting as many screens for your teammates as possible.  Also, avoid calling for your teammates to pass it to you. Nothing good could ever come from that.

Inevitably you are going to wind up getting the ball during the course of the game. Don’t panic though, since this is simply an opportunity to showcase those passing skills of yours. Try and dish it off to the best players on your team, perhaps you pass it to that guy who can’t miss from 3-point range. Maybe look inside for your center whose been dominating in the paint all game. The point is that you’re Steve Kerr and you need to get the ball to Jordan.

Now I guarantee that you are going to make some mistakes in the course of the game. One of your passes is going to be stolen. One of the shots you take is going to be an air ball, or you’ll give your opponent an easy layup. The important thing is that your teammates don’t realize that you do these sorts of things all the time. After you make a mistake, be sure to say things like: “Man, my shot is off today,” “I should have warmed up more before the game” or “I knew I shouldn’t have max deadlifted right before this!”

My final tidbit of advice is to congratulate your teammates when they make good plays. By doing this you will seem like a supportive teammate and role-player, plus everybody loves receiving compliments. Be careful to not overdo it though since your teammates will feel the need to return the favor. They’ll begin overanalyzing your play to find a way to give you a compliment and will quickly see that you’re not doing anything worthy of praise.

Now, keep these tips in mind the next time you step on the court for an intramural game. Your teammates might not think you’re the next LeBron James, but they certainly shouldn’t be able to tell you were cut from the B-team back in 7^th grade, either.