To preface this article, if you think this is a joke… stop reading. 

But instead, if you are actually an educated adult and understand how much our campus truly needs swifter and safer transportation, then listen up. 

ISU… we have a problem. We have kids everywhere riding on bikes, scooters, skateboards, and to be frank, it is ridiculous. According to Barack Obama, 1 in 7 students will get hit by someone in their four years on our campus.

Alright, maybe not actually, but you get my point. Our campus is flooded with ongoing people, all in a hurry to get to their next destination with absolutely no regard for human life. Kids on this campus take the role of Jeff Gordon on the last lap.

What is the answer to this ongoing problem, one might ask?

Heelys. Yes, Heelys people. The shoe that is so sweet, it comes with wheels. 

Heely Pros: Everything

Heely Cons: If you are able to find something, please email me and let me know. 

Not only will our students immediately look cooler, but we will be getting from point A to point B safer and more quickly. 

No more getting hit in the back of the leg by a rocketized biker.

No more jumping out of the way at the last second and showing everyone on campus how ridiculous girly you are in shock situations.

Alright, that one is probably just me again, but we will digress. 

The point that is being lost in translation is, Heelys. We need Heelys, people. Heelys are the answer to many problems.

Better grades, more swag, quicker transportation and no more getting side-swiped. 

To follow up on this ploy, my selected group of extraordinary gentleman will be being vigorously working to create a proposal to give to Iowa State University to mandate Heelys for every student. Until then, we shall continue to dream of a day where Heelys fill our beautiful campus and bikes are just a memory.