Intimacy can be a difficult thing to talk about. The conversations can be awkward or uncomfortable, and as a result, they often get swept under the rug.

In an attempt to mitigate the discomfort of such an omnipresent issue, the Daily is introducing a new series: “The Talk.” 

Through this series, we will discuss issues such as dating apps, sex work, sexual safety and more. We plan to publish one story each week for the rest of the semester addressing an issue related to relationships or sex.

Our hope is that by the end of “The Talk,” we may have opened our readers up to these discussions in ways they hadn’t thought of or may not have felt able to speak about before. 

Many of these issues affect a lot of our readers, and we’re ready to talk.

No means no, hesitation means no, passivity means no, silence means no and lack of protest means no. Campus organizations are working to define what consent is, and also what consent isn’t.

The Iowa State Office of Equal Opportunity defines consent as an informed, voluntary and active agreement to engage in a specific sexual act at a specific time. They also say that consent should come before anything else, or B.A.E.

“Consent is B.A.E.” is the slogan for a campus-wide sexual assault prevention campaign out of the Office of Equal Opportunities. It aims to educate members of the Iowa State community on the definition of consent, and the complexities that can come with avoiding and preventing instances of sexual assault.

Planned Parenthood defines consent and outlines the five basics of consent: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific.

The first basic, “Freely given,” states that “consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.”

“Reversible” is stated as “anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed.”

“Informed” is stated as “you can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and the they don’t, there isn’t full consent.”

Planned Parenthood also states that when it comes to sex, a person should only do what they want to do, not what they feel expected to do.

The last point, “specific,” states that if a person says they want to do one thing, such as make out, they are not agreeing to other things, such as sex.

Consent is a broad term and there are areas where people may be unsure what is and is not consent. In a video titled, “consent is like a cup of tea,” the creators use examples like if someone agrees to drinking tea, but then decide they don’t want tea, it is not consent to still force them to drink the tea.

Jacob Cummings, a senior equal opportunity specialist, said these “gray areas” of consent are never consent.

“Silence, lack of protest or an absence of no, all mean you don’t have consent,” Cummings said.

Not only is a lack of verbal consent not consent, according to the Iowa State Sexual Misconduct website, under Iowa law the following people are unable give consent: persons who are asleep or unconscious, persons who are incapacitated due to the influence of drugs, alcohol or medication and persons who are unable to communicate consent due to a mental or physical condition. 

“Consent is never implied by things like your past behavior, what you wear, or where you go,” according to Planned Parenthood’s website. “Sexual consent is always clearly communicated — there should be no question or mystery.”

To avoid these gray areas, Planned Parenthood and other organizations recommend having open and honest conversations about each individual’s wants and needs.

“So, how do you ask for consent? It’s simple. Ask: “Can I [fill in the blank]?” or “Do you want me to do [fill in the blank]?” And listen for the answer. It’s also important to pay attention to their body language and tone,” according to Planned Parenthood.

Cummings said everyone has the right to say no.

On Iowa State’s campus, there are a number of resources available to help student who may be in a romantic situation where they feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

The first thing a student should do if they feel unsafe is contact law enforcement, Cummings said.

There are also campus organizations and organizations in Ames that aim to help students, such as Assault Care Center Extending Shelter & Support (ACCESS), the Margaret Sloss Center for Women and Gender Equity, Thielen Student Health Center, the Dean of Students Office, Mary Greeley Medical Center, the Department of Public Safety, the Office of Equal Opportunity and many more.

“It’s not just important the first time you’re with someone. Couples who’ve had sex before or even ones who’ve been together for a long time also need to consent before sex — every time,” according to Planned Parenthood.