Dear Mr. Vymyslicky (if that IS your real name…): I quote,

“… state and federal courts have slowly been picking away at some of the last things we hold dear as a society.”

“Our evil, ultra-liberal government …”

“… training an entire army of homosexuals!”

“… bombarded by the propaganda of homosexuality…”

“… last pro-heterosexual sanctuary for young boys!”

“The truth is, our entire values system has been under such systematic attack and control by the government …”

“… perverted notion …”

“Now the government is brainwashing us with their doublespeak …”

“… Big Brother …”

Ladies and gentleman, the next Senator McCarthy! Take a bow!

I wish I hadn’t been reading this editorial when I was eating lunch. It really hurts when you laugh so hard milk comes out your nose.

How does a normal human being (uh oh, I just insinuated that homosexuals are human beings! Yikes!) respond to something like this?

Um, yeah. Right, Eric. You got it all right. You found out our secret. Now go back to your dorm room, curl up under your blanky and watch the rest of that X-Files video you got for Christmas. Then you can take a nice long nap and dream all about how the government and the establishment and all those pesky homosexuals are after you. Because we are, you know. We’re all after you. We know where you live. We’re watching you right now! (Insert the shrieks from the shower scene in Psycho right here.)

Sheesh. Next time, remember you’re not addressing a room full of impressionable 10-year-olds who will drink in your bull like some intellectual elixir, believing everything you say. You’re in college now.

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Curt Lund

Freshman

Graphic design