In a very weird attempt to assert dominance, a STEM major at Iowa State University talked really fast in an attempt at conversation. The following is the “conversation.”

STEM MAJOR: What are you studying? 

ANONYMOUS: Philosophy, 

STEM MAJOR: Dude, I know this girl likes me! You’re a philosophy major? I bet studying to become a therapist is so easy. How do you even grade feelings? I get graded in math. Math has no feelings, I have no feelings, I am single by the way. Do you wanna hear about the next big thing I’m working on? It’s Plenty of Fish but for people that like crypto. I’m doing it because I wanna meet the right woman that shares my interest in money. Again, this girl definitely likes me; she asks me how I’m doing! I’m doing well, very well Amanda. 

Editor’s Note: For those angry, the transcriber of this article is also a STEM major. 

STEM MAJOR (CONT’D): So, like, here’s the thing: she’s playing hard to get. I got her on the hook though, I told her that I watched the women’s march on tv! It is all part of my six-month plan, the plan being to wait six months and ask her out before we take our final exam together. Anyways, what do you think is the solution to climate change? 

It was at this moment the STEM major had realized he was actually talking to no one, as the Union Drive Marketplace pizza line had moved considerably. To this day, no one knows how to solve climate change.