Well, the University of Iowa has finally made good on its attempts to stop people from drinking. When students turned out to oppose upping the age limit to get into bars, the university took matters into its own hands. Starting in January, a concerted effort will begin that keeps students in their desks on Friday mornings to help curb binge drinking that starts on Thursday nights.

Classes which are required or have high attendance will be moved to the end of the week, cutting into research and seminar time for professors. However, the liberal arts college would be compensated $20 extra per student registration for said classes – what a deal! Despite neither students nor teachers benefiting from this new arrangement, officials have faith in the studies that promote its theoretical effectiveness.

They may be able to move classes, but they can’t change people. Students who took classes on Fridays drank less than those who didn’t, the study said. Maybe that’s because they weren’t planning on getting wasted in the first place. You know, not everyone drinks, or drinks to excess. And what about those high-attendance classes being moved? I bet they become unpopular quickly. Students who don’t plan on partying will still take classes on Fridays, and those who do will still avoid them.

In essence, the university is only limiting options for everybody in order to combat a legal and voluntary leisure activity for some. The buck doesn’t stop there. This year, the annual corn-eating contest at Iowa was canceled because America has an obesity problem. Although the decision was ridiculous, that contest was sponsored by the university, and its support can be taken away.

On the other hand, our lives are not sponsored by these establishments. You know, the ones we pay to provide education, not only out of our pockets, but also out of our tax dollars. They don’t get to decide when we’re not “serious” enough about learning or what we do with our own bodies off campus. At the very least, a decision like this should’ve been voted on by the people it affects.

Since the powers that be are aware students wouldn’t support the changes themselves, they’re going to do it for them. But all they can do, and should do, is ban these possibly dangerous habits on campus and educate students about them in other contexts – and they’re doing that. Sort of.

Other campuses around the nation have also caught onto this “problem” we have with drinking and have used unorthodox measures to solve it. California State University has reported hiring students to remove fliers on campus that promote drink specials at local bars, and Louisiana State University convinced their city council to ban certain drink specials after 10 p.m. Why?

If student drinking led to bad academic performance, the university would reap the benefits of students spending extra time at college to make up classes. Changing required classes will most likely only affect those who are still taking mandatory general education – those in their first years and most likely too young to drink legally anyway. Maybe alcohol consumption has less to do with years paid for than they think. Where’s the study on that?

The real problem is that drunken students, or even just drinking students, make a university look bad, because people who drink must be uneducated – or at least apathetic about their future. Also, anyone who hurts themselves by excessive drinking while attending college propels outrage about why the college didn’t stop them.

This issue has been raised a variety of times in a variety of ways, but always as a problem among students. Those in charge are hesitant to approach the fact drinking is a human problem, an American problem and a global problem. It’s easier to blame it on 20-somethings living in the most indulgent place on the planet.

What’s next on the list for baby-proofing our campuses? Any excess can be harmful, so we have to be kept away from it for our own good. If I pass a Breathalyzer, can I skip Friday classes? If I step on a scale, can I have my McDonald’s back in the food court? If my doctor says I’m a virgin, can I stay out late on the weekends?

Whom do we have to prove ourselves to? While legal things are still legal, it is our choice to do them. Our voice, in respect to our freedoms and restrictions, is slipping away.

And really, if it’s so dangerous to start drinking only one day earlier than normal, maybe it’s too dangerous to have classes when the doors are frozen shut and the interstate is covered with ice. Just sayin’.

– Luci Van Scoy is a junior in anthropology from Newton.